Musings

to every thing there is a season...

2009-10-30T04:21:00.002Z

that came to me as a title for this post- and it occurred to me- I didnt know the source- apart from Byrds lyrics. Turns out its a biblical quote- and its extremely apt just now- so I will start by quoting it in full....

To everything there is a season,
a time for every purpose under the sun.
A time to be born and a time to die;
a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
a time to kill and a time to heal ...
a time to weep and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn and a time to dance ...
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to lose and a time to seek;
a time to rend and a time to sew;
a time to keep silent and a time to speak;
a time to love and a time to hate;
a time for war and a time for peace.

ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Since I last blogged- I have been dealing with my RL trauma- I am still off work, on anti-depressants and in therapy. My mental state regressed further than I had hoped after the attack but I am full of hope that the rebuilt me will be a better, more stable person- its an opportunity. Right now, I struggle to have anything to do with anybody but a few trusted individuals. I rarely leave home except to see my therapist, doctor or fetch groceries. I do still DJ in SL- and I do have a few ppl that I am close to- but even there I almost never hang out- I go to work then back home. The "new" me hasnt been able to shake off the past totally- I knew that continuing to DJ would mean I might be recognised- but I rather naively assumed that as I had started over in a new avi- in new places- that people would realise I had broken with the past- but, some people never move on, it seems. It just makes me more reclusive and less inclined to be around people and the surprise has been how little I miss that life.
I am not the only one in SL undergoing huge change it seems- I occasionally do a profile/blog perve. In the main, I am relieved that these things no longer impact on me- and just occasionally, I feel for some of the people who are. The drama explosions lately in some areas has thrown some interesting shit to the top of the pile and I will bet that the aftershocks will be equally as puerile and entertaining. Its kinna like a car crash- you know you shouldnt look- but you just have to peek.
I am still not sure about continuing this blog- Callie is almost certainly not going to return to SL and I have no intention of linking this blog to my new SL life, yet I do like to post occasionally.

vacuum packed

2009-09-14T22:41:00.003+01:00

thats how my brain feels. I went back to work for a few days- but I had to go sick again. I simply am not coping- the doctors are saying I have PTSD- and thats a long process of therapy to come. I havent begun counselling yet-being tossed from one place to another like a hot potato and I am not on any meds. I saw my GP today and I do now have a prescription- I am thinking i should take something. I dont sleep more than 3 hours at a time- and I am suppressing my dreams. The trauma is coming out in odd ways- and my memory is still a total joke. I am also freaking about the most innocent of situations. One good thing is SL- I have a low key life- do a lil DJing- play with the land I got- love to landscape- and I explore. I love the creativity of SL- the freedom. Seems everybody is some kinna hudsucker or treasure hunter these days- I cant relate- why come to a limitless place and set goals- which are gonna restrict you? I found one or two amazing friends too- the aussie, the northern git and the yank- you enrich my SL beyond measure, guys. You and the two I allowed in from Callie days- such treasure.

I didnt see it coming...

2009-08-04T16:40:00.004+01:00

I am off work currently- on Saturday, I was assaulted again. This time it was a sexual assault- not serious- but nevertheless it has upset me badly. Its odd- I could have accepted a punch much easier than what happened. Its 3 days ago- and I can still feel his hands on me now *shudders* I wont get graphic- but it was unprovoked and unexpected- and mercifully brief. Hopefully the police will get the fucker. All this has put the rest of my life into a bit of a shadow- I am just wandering round, sitting at the pc and occasionally sleeping- trying not to sleep for too long- in case i dream. I am heading to the doctor tomorrow- think I could do with some blotto pills for a few days. Its quite ironic as the only respite I have is SL- and yes, its fun- I think I deserve a little fun. My favourite new possessions are my sharks- Ozzy and Sharon- you can tell Ozzy- hes the one swimming in aimless circles...

reincarnation

2009-07-26T09:18:00.003+01:00

something I always subscribe to- a hella lot easier in SL *grinz* I see by the traffic tailing off to this blog that people have lost interest- and that allowed me to do the inevitable- yes, I am back in SL- occasionally. Who am I now? NU-UH! Not because I want to deceive or indulge in any of the amateur dramatics- but because I am NOT recreating the shitfest that Callie lived in. My new character looks different- goes different places- does different things. Of course- its not hard to work out- its still me at the pc- but the chances of bumping into me are strongly diminished as I avoid all the old haunts, activities and people. With one exception- I still DJ- I still get a buzz from it- so, I still do it. So, SL has gone back to being fun- I RP a lot now- something Callie rarely did. The whole focus of the place has shifted for me- its pretty cool right now- I am having fun- made some great new friends. Those of you who were kind to me- please dont feel aggrieved- but if I contact you all- then I am simply recreating Callie- and I really cant do that- it was way too painful. If I ever see you inworld- I will say hi- so if some random av starts chatting- say hi back- it might just be me *smiles*
RL- well, it continues its erratic path- back on late shifts this week, I much prefer them. I had the ickiest experience this week...a bad reaction to a mosquito bite- I seem to suffer since I became diabetic. Anyhoo- I had what I thought was a HUGE blister form- it was bout the size of a quails egg. After a couple days, I was still using antihistamine cream to stop the itching- and this "blister" fell off- it was solid- like a jelly pad. I FREAKED! underneath was a raw patch which now seems to be healing ok- but OMG- I never saw anything like that before. I guess I need to be more careful- I have taken to spraying insect repellant daily at home. Hmmmmm- does that last bit qualify as tmi? I think so *smiles proudly*

Dawning

2009-07-11T12:27:00.003+01:00

OK- this is likely to be a particularly rambling post- so- pay attention *grinz* I was jus wondering whether it makes sense to keep posting as Callie- as she is no longer a part of me? Trouble is- its a pain in the ass to start over- even with a blog- so- i will probly continue, just tweak the profile some. Has Callie been back to SL? Of course- a couple of times- to tidy up stuff and once to talk to...well- no matter- a closed door. Will she return? Highly unlikely- it was a sad and lonely place for her at times- a lot of good ones- but sheesh- the lows were fkn horrendous. Will I start over- maybe- lets face it- its an addiction- and I do miss it at times. One thing is for sure- I would hang in different places with different people, doing different stuff- why recreate shit?
Sooo- what have I been up to? Basically working!!! Right now I am on a long weekend- so, of course the fantastic weather we have had here headed for the hills- its grey and rainy- but thats ok- getting stuff done round the flat- being domestic. I have to say- nothing hugely exciting happening- I just felt like a waffle.
I considered going to a different world- but that held no appeal either- the very things that make SL such a painful place are the ones I enjoy- the freedom, the unstructured nature of it. SL was always my social life- first of all because I had no confidence or money to pursue one RL, and latterly because my free time isnt conducive to a RL social life- so its been pretty weird- watching some more tv- BAD- catching up on some movies- not so bad.
You see the way my mind is going? Yeah- me too *sighs* addiction is hard work, yanno. Anyhoo- I guess its probable that a new avi will turn up in SL in the future- but dont bother informing the drama police- they wont be associated with Callie- or what would be the point?
I know a lot of people read this- well- would be kinna pointless blogging if nobody did, huh? So- I wanted to say thanks to the couple of people who took time to send me messages lately- Unome and Aldo. IM to Callie do find their way into my e mails *smiles*
Now- I have the most exciting day planned- gonna cruise the aisles of the supermarket- then I have a pamper afternoon planned- its all about MEEEEEE!!!!

gone away

2009-07-03T12:48:00.004+01:00

I finally got to the end of the line. My SL is in pieces once again- and I dont have the energy to put it back together. I guess that I wanted too much- I spent too much time alone there- too much time worrying- too much time being deceived- I can do all of that RL. I doubt I will be back- even the dumbest animal learns eventually. It took me almost three years and a small lake of tears- its time to walk away. I will still blog from time to time.

move on.......

2009-07-01T19:14:00.003+01:00

lmao- I can imagine the scramblin THAT title is gonna cause- fooled ya all!!!! It refers to my pleas to my passengers on Sunday night. I was working the last train down from London- and a HEAP of people who had been to the Springsteen concert in Hyde Park were trying to get on- we didnt quite have to resort to pushing them into the carriages- but it was close- I have never seen a more crowded train. I was safely in the rear cab, but omg- I felt so sorry for em. We are havin a fantastic spell of hot weather here- around 90 degrees- its sooo nice! I love it hot- and I dont mind wet either- umm- humid- umm- well, wet works too..... *grinz* As you can tell, I am in good humour currently- today is a day off and I been to the hairdresser- guaranteed to cheer me up- I duz like ma pampering.
SL? well- big changes there too- I have found a purpose- a project is underway. I am turning my attic into a party room- its lookin kinna cool and I am lookin forward to having a few laughs there. The idea is to recreate some of the fun times- fuck the drama an the high school shenanigans- jus fun an laughter.
I am hangin with some different ppl these days- and lookin up some old friends too- the rebirth of my SL is well underway. When I chose the phoenix as my emblem- I had no idea how accurate it would be- risen from the ashes a few times now- and- here we go again.........

Casa Callie

2009-06-24T23:07:00.003+01:00

Well, thats how my place looks now- its not finished- and- my heart hasnt been in it, really- just busy work. I got to that stage I knew I would reach- where I am running out of things to distract myself with. No purpose has emerged as yet- and until that happens, SL is a pretty bleak place. I am trying very hard not to rely on friends support- but its not easy. *smiles* an old friend once said to me- its ok to fall in love- just not so hard, k? I never did get the hang of that. Anyway- enough whining- it is how it is- and I did my best to make it right.
RL is - well, RL. Being back at work has been good- I am even thinkin bout actually going away for my summer leave which is mid august this year- just not sure where. I am thinkin I might take a couple of short city breaks- I never got to Rome yet, and I would like to go back to Barcelona- or I might just take myself off to a beach for a couple of weeks. I really dont know- I am pretty rocked and low and its hard to be enthusiastic about anything much. It will pass, I know- its just allowing myself time to settle- and finding myself again. If you find me- please return me *grinz*

Frozen

2009-06-18T09:47:00.003+01:00

Well- more numb really. Here we go again *sighs* I managed to drive my darling Draf away. Not gonna go into detail- not the place- but I got it spectacularly wrong- and he cant forgive me. I was ok for a couple of days- totally in shock- but last night the misery that I knew was waiting kinna set in. It will get better- but mannn- its hard. This is not like before- that was crap that was done to me- this- is my own doing. He was the best thing I ever had- we were so perfect- and I ruined it. So- right now,I am trying to keep busy- distract myself. Its pointless going over and over it- I cant take it back- and I cant make it right. I would do anything to be able to- but he has closed the door- so- its over.
The very few that are close are gold right now- despite some screaming drama from a seriously disturbed individual- thats a whole other story and doesnt deserve any further mention. It simply reminded me- go with your gut- my instincts are generally pretty good.
So, where do I go now? Who knows- I am just remodelling my land- it was far too painful to leave it as it was, without its heart- my heart, my Draf. Other than that- I occasionally venture out with friends- and I do laugh, flirt- hell, I am a fuckin good actress- but I am totally without purpose now. Until I regain that- its going to be tough. I am back to work tomorrow and that will be good- more distraction- so today, I need to get my act together- I am exhausted and in serious back pain- all stress. Right now, I am going for another soak in the tub, then back to bed for a nap.

gigging an stuff

2009-06-15T18:34:00.006+01:00

Saturday night was pretty damn good- Sevendust supporting Buckcherry- had a real blast. I have to take my hat off to the guy on the mixing desk for Buckcherry- he got it spot on- its not a big venue and a bad shape- so he backed off the volume and let the sound work- so few mixers do anything besides crank it up these days. Heard all the old favourites *grinz* even THAT tune- and yanno- it may be way overplayed- but hell it had the entire room dancin an singing- even ME *laughs* It was really packed and I got stuck by one of the bars- dayumm!!! so there was nothing for it but to drink- so Mr Daniels took a bit of punishment, I confess. Because the Islington Academy is in a shopping precinct- it has a wildly early curfew- was kicked out at 10pm- but thats not so bad- I got back to Vic in time to buy some chinese food and a bottle of wine to drink on the train- yeah- I know- a regular saturday night asshole - at least I didnt vomit on the train *laughs* I carried on drinking some when I got home- so Sunday was fragile head time in spades. That is my excuse for a poor performance in the karting sunday afternoon- I didnt come last- but almost. However- it was such a heap of fun- its been so long since I went karting- loved it- despite the helmet hair. Sadly- I didnt see much of Draf this weekend- bloody typical- the first weekend for ages he had no plans- and I did- so he took himself out saturday night too- and then sunday- we were just settling in to an evening together and he got called to a bbq- anybody would think it was summer! Well- no matter- hes not going anywhere- and neither am I.
Been a fantastic hot day again today- I had intended to go for a walk- but- I think i was still shaking off the last of the alcohol- so I never really got past the side of the bed LOL. Back to work on Friday- and I still need to valet the car and finish the housework- just the bedroom to sort out now- I got a lot of boring stuff like windows and tiles cleaned while I been off- man, how domesticated do I sound!
SL? well, more of the same really- I dont tend to do much besides talk to the few and spend time with my darling Draf. I tried to get my ban at SR lifted this week- silly me- I forgot that they dont do logic there. I go once in a while- in one alt or another- I dont cause trouble- I go to see people- so it seemed to me that as they know all this- it would cause less drama- and be more honest for me to go as Callie. Unbelievably, they prefer to have me sneaking around as alts- I guess without its drama SR would lose its way- whatever- it isnt that important. I admit it was important enough to ask- but hell- it actually doesnt make that much difference to me- changes nothing. Weirdly- the reason was all to do with something that was only hinted at- and that I have NO clue about- something about me damaging the club- I really dunno what thats about. But then again- I forgot about the paranoid and incredibly bitter people they get there- lotsa talk about moving on- when what they actually mean is stay away. Moving on means being able to be in the same room without getting uptight- and I been able to do that for months now- shame about the others.
LMAO- you gotta love SL- somebody just sent me a psychedelic squid- I have no idea why- but hey!

Meltdown

2009-06-05T07:48:00.005+01:00

.
It seems the british political system is in meltdown right now- I am just amazed it took as long as it did for the Labour party to take that step too far for the public- but they finally did it- and despite the Prime Minister clutching on like a polar bear on a melting ice floe (geddit! damn, but imma smart one!)There really isnt enough support to keep him afloat any more. We need an election- and soon. Later on today the results of the county council elections will be out- and on Sunday the euro elections- and its widely expected that Labour while be annihilated. Hopefully this will hasten a vote of no confidence in the government and enable the election we need. Ok- enough of the current affairs- whats up with Callie? Got a heap of crap going on at work that has stressed me out a bit- I cant talk about it at the moment- but when its all over- dear readers- you will hear all about it.We are also waiting to find out if we get new uniforms- sometime next week the results of the franchise bids will be announced- it literally does mean just a change of uniform and train livery for us. I love having a virtually recessionproof job. I have just 2 more days before my block of rest days- today I am spare, so a fairly easy one- and tomorrow is death by London Bridge as per usual on a weekend. After that..... oooh- sleep, rest and some time for ME- got a few DJ sets booked up in SL- and of course some time with Draf- its been a hard week for us- hes been on call and so I havent seen him pretty much- just a few message exchanges. We intend to put that right this evening and I cant wait!
SL in general- well- its pretty much a non event without Draf, to be honest- I go and DJ- chat to one of the few if they are around- but in truth I havent been online that much- rl is biting my ass too lately and the weather this past week has been so fantastic, I wanted to spend a bit of time outside- although no tanning for me- not till next summer- I cant expose my new tatt to the sun yet- so its fake tan on the legs- they really have to have some colour- not a pretty sight

Karma

2009-05-23T12:10:00.000+01:00

A lot of people spout about karma being a bitch- yadda yadda- it certainly does seem that you reap what you sow- the idea crops up in most philosophies- wiccan harm ye none, do as ye will- the christian, the buddhist- and experience tells me that sooner or later your yang will catch up with your yin (hows THAT for mixed imagery? Whats that got to do with anything you may ask- and the answer is absolutely nothing! This is a random rambling post- I always think they are my finest.Before I leave the subject though, I would have to say that I am enjoying my own lil bit of karma- all the pain and hurt and downright unfairness that I have endured have melted away in the blazing heat of the happiness that is my life right now. I dont give two hoots about whether- or when the ills of others are returned to them- I know they will be sooner or later. As for me- its so damn nice to be on the upstroke of the seesaw for a while.
Had a bit of luck last night- I was working the last train down from London- affectionately known as the vomit comet to traincrew- and halfway home got a message from Control to say that Victoria had been evacuated due to a fire (not serious) that would have caused me mega delay- and I reckon 1am is late enough to finish work in anybodys books, without added delays. See- there is a good example of how karma is rewarding me.
Whats going on in SL? well, its pretty peachy there too, of course- my Master has put a new complexion on my life in all worlds *smiles* I did the DUMBEST thing earlier, however- their was a mega griefing attack, and despite having no object entry or build, I was still being hit- so without thinking I put autoreturn on... and sent back almost 2000 prims- mostly to myself *cries* so unless Azure can rollback and restore for me- I have to re rezz and re place every damn item *sighs* I was gonna talk about an alt I spotted last night- but hell- I cant be asked to do them the courtesy of wasting ma typing on em.
Well, here we go again, time for me to go get ready for work- I have a day off tomorrow YAY! I am so looking forward to that- then another two weeks to go with just two single rest days- and then NINE whole days off ooooooh the BLISS!

never before published..........

2009-05-18T07:35:00.000+01:00

So- there it is- the results of ma first session at Kalima- I am really pleased- still some work to do on the body of the bird, and the background- flowers n clouds- and of course- the all important tail feathers which will curl down to my wrist- but its been worth the wait- next session isnt booked till July- the woman gets seriously busy- but then- shes pretty damn good. I worked all the weekend, and am due to work right through till Friday week with only two separate days off- but I put in for a couple of annual leave days to give me a long weekend- we will see- find out when I get in. If I dont get em, will just have to grit my teeth- Friday week I start a block of nine rest days- woot for weird shift patterns! I might just actually DO something with my time off- I wont go away, but I feel like going out for some days- thats if I can tear myself away from Draf *smiles* the absoulute joy of having a man who is open, honest and most importantly who CARES about me and my feelings. We think alike on everything (except chocolate) and that includes relationships- it is truly astounding- I feel like spouting the usual cliches bout soulmates n all- but no- with him, I dont need to- it just IS.
Last night was pretty funny- we had darlin Tyn over n hung out for a bit, then went out dancing in SL- well- tried to- there was a DJ trial at Colisseum- and the guy needed to either sort his levels or get some cleaner downloads- the sound was pretty ropy- so we moved to Deranged- and the tune there was a really bad quality live cut- so we ended up going home, and I played for Draf while we cuddled in our hammock- even simple things like that are so damn good with him- gettin the picture?- I am pretty much devoted *laughs*
As for rl- its pretty much work- though I do have a lot of laughs there- cooked breakfast in the crewroom yesterday as I had over an hour before my first train went out- bacon, sausage and egg sammiches- yummalicious! Looking forward to goin to see Buckcherry and Sevendust in June- I decided to give the festivals a miss this year- wanna try n get a lil money saved up- although as fast as I save it..... had to pay a massive parking bill last month- and this month I got 2 speeding fines to pay- yeah, i know- dumbass me- bloody speed cameras!

wooohoo for weekends!

2009-05-09T11:03:00.000+01:00

Seems my last post rattled a few cages- within 3 hours of making it, the screaming vitriol in the comments appeared- deary me- if you guys have nothing better to do after all this time than monitor my every move so closely, not to mention the rather childish responses- well sheesh! Still, I suppose it is preferable to your own sad,empty lives- after all- I do have a life- in all the worlds I inhabit. Which brings me on to this weekend- OMG! the sheer bliss- I actually have a weekend off! It only happens bout once every couple of months- so although I get heaps of time off- a weekend is kinna special. Its a reasonable day- so, I am off to walk round Cissbury Ring- thats the place in the pic- its the second largest iron age fort in England- and the views are supposed to be fantastic, so I will take my camera. I have a sore arm today- began work on my new phoenix tatt- got most of the body of the bird done, still the clouds, flowers and the tail to do- it wont be complete before august- so no pics yet- or should I do work in progress...idk- we will see how the mood takes me.
Later on, I will spend the evening with Draf *sighs happily* we didnt get to see each other this week because of my shifts- last night was the first time for a few days- and we had such a good time. Draf was in the mood to spin, and we just sat at home listening to the tunes and chatting- was one of those nights where one song sparked off another- love those times! As in all things- we are totally in sync musically- its quite spooky actually- so far the only thing we dont agree on is chocolate- though he quite understands the pull for a woman *grinz*
Tomorrow, I want to do some cooking, get some meals prepared and in the freezer- its so easy to buy crap to eat at work- most stations have a vending machine if not a handy chip shop/burger bar/cafe- far to easy to live on that stuff. Had a bit of excitement this week- there was a fire on a bridge in the Arun valley, and my train was held at Amberley for forty minutes while the bridge was inspected to see if it was safe for us to proceed. I had 29 passengers on board, a nice managable number to keep informed and happy- I had time to talk to them all individually. Well, time to get my hiking boots on- damn, life is good!

Move ON, already!

2009-05-02T17:51:00.000+01:00

I am an unrepentant profile perv- always have been, always will be. Mostly its ppl that interest me that I see out an about- but sometimes its old friends- and even more rarely its old, umm, well, lets say ppl I used to know in SL *chuckles* Its a harmeless entertainment. As so often happens, a profile leads on to another- like a daisy chain? I IM somebody I hadnt seen for AGES recently cuz I came across their name in this way- it was fun- "where the fuck have you been" kinna conversation. Sooooooo- I had occasion to look at my ex's profile recently- and I am damned if he hasnt got this rather pompous comment about me in his profile still- five months after we split- FFS! move on, saddo! That led me to have a look at his partners profile and omg was that FUNNY! A pic of their house and a coo about their happy homelife.... house, modded by him- with building tools paid for by me- three children- pregnancies and pixel babies paid for by me- wolves and cub- paid for by me......that lil slice of paradise comes to best part of $L20,000- I do hope you both enjoy it. Personally, I prefer to pay for my own SL- always have- still do.
Seems he is happy to lay (flawed) judgement at my door but is happy to use stuff I bought him- I really dont mind- but it does seem a tad hypocritical to do both?

annual review

2009-04-22T07:57:00.000+01:00

I just read this blog from the beginning- a year since I started it, and almost everything has changed. I have a job- I live in a different place in a different town- and my SL is totally transformed. I was happy and married then- went through a horrendously painful split- now I am happy and collared. We arent partnered- Draf hasn't asked me and probably never will, its not his way- but I am secure enough not to need any more than I have with him- in fact- I am overflowing with joy. It doesnt mean I wouldnt be proud to have his name on my profile- of course I would- its just not as important as it once may have been. He shows me more care and respect than any man before him- in any world. The last time I gushed about my love for a man it all went badly pear shaped- but that is because it was all based on lies and deceptions. Draf and I rp- a lot more than I ever have before- but the bedrock of our relationship is our ability to connect on all levels- we are Master and pet first and foremost, but we also have a strong vanilla streak in our relationship- we are SL, but we have a big RL connection too.
The picture is our home, looking back from the beach- out front is a japanese garden, and in the distance is our lagoon and the shooting range beyond that- yup- almost 3 years in SL and I finally have a gun- and its FUN! A couple of nights ago Draf made a beautiful picture which hangs behind his desk- it is the symbol that means Real, True- and we renamed the land Real- because it is our home- and its what we are. We are real in our relationship, real in the people we are- real in every sense. *grinz* this is turning into a Drafichi lovefest rather than a review- but yanno what- SO WHAT!!! he is such a huge chunk of my life, its appropriate.
A couple of things stuck out from the years blog entries- and one is the list of friends I published then- only one remains close to me- Casper- I love you so fuckin much, darlin. This guy knows me better than anybody- he has seen me at my best and at my worst- a LOT! As for the rest- some turned out to be assholes- I am sure they know who they are without me pointing out the bullshit nests they live in- but most just drifted away to an SL that didnt have me in it- that will happen- I do it myself- it seems that February is my annual clear out the friends list time- when I become totally disenchanted with my SL and the people I know.
I DJ rarely now- the bizarre hours I work means I cant be inworld at the same times each week, but I fill in whenever I can- although my Draf time is quite precious to me- so I sometimes let opportunities go rather than DJ when he is inworld. The club scene in SL is so riddled with drama, now that I dont spend so much time in them, my drama levels have dropped - in fact- disappeared. I suspect wiping out my friends list has something to do with that too.......
The tattoo I talked about last year begins to appear next month, I am sooo excited by that- and be sure a pic will appear.
So, in summary- a year of change- of rebirth- the phoenix is truly a good symbol for this blog- the fires of destruction were raging at one or two points- but I emerged- and each time I have learned- I have adapted- I have grown. What will this next year bring? I know what I hope for- I know what I want- and that in itself is a huge change from a year ago- perhaps in a years time I will be commenting on how my hopes have become a reality- I certainly intend to do everything I can to bring that about!

2009-04-14T14:02:00.000+01:00

WOW is all I can say- damn but SL is such a roller coaster. I have always said that few ever really leave- and that includes me- I hide out in an alt sometimes, but my addiction is too strong to leave completely. I cleared out my f/l and was pretty much as low as I have ever been inworld- in fact, I was about to take a total break, when....... I was hanging out and this hot guy walked by- couldnt resist shooting him an IM, we got talking- we went dancing and then.......OMFG!!!!!
I have never had the slightest inclination to be collared since Harry left, two years ago- the Doms I have seen in SL simply ARENT- and I care too much about myself to walk into an abusive relationship. This man is pure Dom- for real. We have been together constantly since we met- I submitted to him and took his collar a month ago now- and I have never been happier. We have totally made over the land, and now have a dojo and a japanese garden along with lots of other stuff- yeah, I am still a "stuff" whore- probly always will be. Drafichi Lightfoot is the man who has changed my whole world- I had no intention of getting seriously involved with anybody in SL and certainly not a BDSM relationship- and here I am- grinning like crazy inworld and out. There will be plenty more about him- rest assured *smiles* as for the rest of my SL- I talk to the few people who I kept close to me- I DJ when I can- even less often now as my Lords pleasure comes before anything- not because he demands it- but because I choose. My new SL is pleasing me greatly. Right now, i have to run as RL is tugging at my arm- trains to work, idiots to tolerate *giggles*

DAMN-its bright out here!

2009-03-15T11:08:00.000Z

Yeah- as promised- a RL update- well, in truth, SL is pissing me off to the max right now. I am so sick and tired of it. apparently all my "friends" are so damn busy they dont have any spare time. I got tired of being lonely in there- so fuck it- cleared out my f/l and I am spending less and less time there- more and more in RL.

Spring is trying hard to arrive- its a fabulous day today- i may just head off to the beach for a walk shortly- but I MUST do my housework- last day of a block of rest days, back on early shift tomorrow so I wont have much opportunity. On the subject of work- the bitch that punched me was in court on Wednesday- I wasnt called, so she must have pleaded guilty. A good result! So- what did i do with my days off? I went down to the Isle of wight to spend a few days with friends- who i havent seen for a year, eeek! Looks like i will be heading back for this years Festival- not the most exciting line up- but its always fun- and Neil Young will be cool to see. Last night, i went into London to see Volbeat- and OMG- they were awesome- I love the tunes, but the guys put on a great show- utube link follows- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Qk-m2ZyS88&feature=related The funniest thing is the resemblance Michael has to David Cameron- have you ever seen them in the same rooom........?

I am on a diet *sighs* its actually kinna easy- although last week was a disaster- life with my friends revolves round takeaways, WAY too much booze and NO exercise- fun- but not conducive to weight loss *grinz* Next time I must take over their kitchen- hahaha. The diet is all part of my makeover- I decided i need to get my ass in gear before I am too old to do it- I have a lot of life in me- and I am tired of hiding away- I was never a shrinking violet- time to go out and grab life by the balls again- so- watch out LOL!

Playin poker online with some of the guys from work tomorrow evening- thats a heap of fun- and maybe I will take a little money from them again- who knows.

Renaissance

2009-02-24T12:18:00.000Z

Well- damn, but who says you cant teach an old dog new tricks? I had a revelation this week on the subject of drama. If you boil it down to its essence- its people running round talking about things that arent anybody elses business. The third party then feels moved (or obliged) to respond with word or deed- and then goes on to repeat- etc etc etc. Yeah, I know its kinna obvious- but OMG- if ya jus keep ya mouth shut in the first place.........!

OK OK- look back at my blog- I have been as guilty as the next bish- but- unlike most- I try not to keep repeating the same pattern. I have an over developed sense of fairplay- and I get outraged at injustice either to me or my friends which has got me into a heap of trouble in the past.

The thing is, people will think what they want to about you, few will take the time to actually ask. So- I am pretty ruthless now- I cut people at the first hint of drama. That isnt to say that, in time- I wont reconsider- my closest friends have all been off my f/l at one time or other. I warn people that they are crossing my no drama line, or my comfort zone is being invaded- but- if they cant or wont keep that away from me- they are gone in a heartbeat. What I WONT do any more is run round bleating about it- cuz that is DRAMA- get it?

I must say- looking at the antics of people from my past is seriously amusing- watching them recreate the past with all the flaws still intact- hearing about them running round like schoolkids, trying to collect friends or ostracise those they have decided to hate this week- dammit people- if you put half as much effort into enjoying yourselves you would be having a 24/7 BALL.

Now- its high time I put a bit of effort into RL- next post will have an update- all sorts of things going on.

The song remains the same

2009-02-01T02:08:00.000Z

LMAO- a wise man once told me nobody ever leaves SL really- an its so true! I took a break for a few days- but I missed DJing so much- I came back as ma alt- Ornamental Dagger, and was havin a lot of fun, keeping my distance from the problem while the shit settled. Anyway- it didnt work out- the shit is going on and on and on. Amusingly- its going on without me- I am way too busy havin fun in ma re-designed SL- new clubs to play at- a LOT of old friends comin to see me and new ones growing closer. Actually- part of the fun is watchin the latest antics.
I have even restarted a DJ group- it embarrasses the fuck outta me- but as I dont play a regular slot any more, its hard for ppl to know when or where I am playing.
On the RL front- I had great news about my assault- they have identified the bishes and warrants have been issued- so I am lookin forward to my day in court! I have just had a week of rest days- its been great- drinkin and playin SL- even doin some RL too!!!!

...or is it?

2009-01-17T10:59:00.001Z

an what exactly is it the end of? Well- I have left SL - to give me time to think about that. The campaign of bitching and upset from my ex, his new squeeze and a group of bishes associated with them has continued. The guy was with me for a year- he knows exactly what buttons to press- and omgs- he cant resist it. Despite a declaration from the owner of the club we all work at that further actions would result in people being banned- the thing hasnt stopped at all- its getting worse in fact. The damage that is being done to the club I loved is apparent- the atmosphere is appalling now. I worked there for 17 months- but *shrugs*
I am well aware that almost nobody leaves SL- some take a break- some come back as a new account- some just come back an say fuck you to the haters. I have no idea which it will be for me- thats what I am thinking about. Dont get me wrong- I may sound like a paranoid- but I am NOT- no victim here- just somebody worn out with the constant harassment and devastated by the scarcity of support- even really close friends have told me I am imagining stuff. Anyway- I am not intending this blog to be full of that asshole and his coven- they can get on with their lives- I just wish they would let me get on with mine. Anybody with any morals or compassion would have withdrawn to give me a little space to heal- but well- that aint gonna happen, so I will deal in my own way.
I find I have nothing else to say about anything else- so, I am taking myself off for a hot, scented bath, a book- maybe a nap before work tonight.
I will be back- at some point, in some way- maybe not in SL- but back in some way.

here endeth the lesson...

2009-01-10T13:59:00.000Z

well- probly not! The SL drama continues- after the chatlogs in the last post- I decided I really couldnt be bothered with the whole thing- but mannnnnn- the kindergarten contingent cant bear to let go. People are lining up on the battlefield- totally oblivious to the fact that over here- the interest is absolutely zero- in fact- I left the field weeks ago. There have been all sorts of manipulations, bitchin, lies and misconceptions. For me- I just ignore the lot of em- players and children. I haz fun with ma friends and anybody who sees it differently- well- its your problem- not mine. It is a real shame that there are people in SL I no longer get to laugh an chat with- but I am not losing sleep, trust me on that.
Enough on SL- what of RL? well, giggin is resuming- Shinedown, Exodus and probly 'tallica comin up in the next couple of months so thats cool. I had a few days off work last week- I was punched in the stomach by a drugged up teenage girl. It is something that happens- rarely, fortunately- and I wasnt badly hurt- luckily it was a fist and not a knife. The police seem confident they can identify her from cctv- and the company will prosecute- they always do on staff assaults.
In summary- neither SL nor RL is sparkling right now- time to put a little more effort into both to get them back on MY track- having fun!

what do you think?

2008-12-27T23:56:00.000Z

I just received a copy of some conversations going back to AUGUST- when my dear husband and my best friend started to fuck- read and judge for yourself
[2008/08/31 9:33] Vanessa : ive had sex with Vinny
[2008/08/31 9:33] Vanessa : omg i said it
[2008/08/31 9:33] Vanessa : please dont tell
[2008/08/31 9:33] A friend: that's okay hun, i'm not gonna tell
[2008/08/31 9:34] A friend: i mean he had to do half the work
[2008/08/31 9:34] Vanessa : i do not want callie to find out
[2008/08/31 9:34] A friend: was it while they were apart?
[2008/08/31 9:34] Vanessa : nope see please dont hate me
[2008/08/31 9:34] Vanessa : and its over with
[2008/08/31 9:35] Vanessa : and that's the end of that
[2008/08/31 9:35] Vanessa : lol
[2008/08/31 9:35] A Friend: that's okay hun, i don't hate you
[2008/08/31 9:35] A friend: if it were RL, it wouldn't be kewl
[2008/08/31 9:35] Vanessa : lord i would never to that in rl
[2008/08/31 9:35] Vanessa : no way
2008/08/31 9:36] Vanessa : it was just a fluke
[2008/08/31 9:36] Vanessa : and hes still with callie
[2008/08/31 9:37] Vanessa : and shes trying to get pregnant so everything is cool
[2008/08/31 9:38] Vanessa : but they want to do as close to rl as they can
[2008/08/31 9:38] A friend: we aren't in here what we are in RL...we wouldn't hurt people[2008/08/31 9:38] Vanessa : yeah but xxxxx omg he is so fucking good
[2008/08/31 9:38] A friend: and Vinny will keep it mum
[2008/08/31 9:38] Vanessa : no he wont hes not like that
[2008/08/31 9:39] Vanessa : ok so eat this conversation so it cant be found lmao

************* [2008/09/01 12:00] a friend : did something happen with Vinny?
[2008/09/01 12:00] Vanessa : yeah
[2008/09/01 12:00] Vanessa : i have no one to talk to damn it
[2008/09/01 12:01] a friend: sorry
[2008/09/01 12:01] Vanessa : see your not even talking lol
[2008/09/01 12:02] a friend: was trying to get out of sr
[2008/09/01 12:02] a friend: no no
[2008/09/01 12:02] a friend
: i was lagging
[2008/09/01 12:02] a friend: wanna tp me
[2008/09/01 12:02] a friend: i was trying to stop dancing and get out of sr
[2008/09/01 12:02] Vanessa : sure hang on
[2008/09/01 12:14] Vanessa : [12:30] Vincenzo : i actually got fucking jealous with hell talking to you that way...i so wanted to punch him in the face to shut him up
[12:30] Vanessa : really?
[12:31] Vanessa : im sorry baby i didn't know
[12:31] Vincenzo : yeah surprised me too
[12:31] Vincenzo : no its ok baby...its flirting i know
[2008/09/01 12:14] Vanessa :
[12:32] Vincenzo : but that twinge hit me...made me realize how deep your getting under my skin...and i like it...cuz your mine as far as i care
[2008/09/01 12:14] Vanessa :
[12:32] Vincenzo: even if you have another man you still would be until you told me to get lost[2008/09/01 12:14] Vanessa -: god xxxxxxxx please keep this to yourself

*************

[2008/09/23 19:09] Vanessa : callie is in her 40's
[2008/09/23 19:09] Vanessa : but i didn't tell you that
[2008/09/23 19:09] a friend: yeah, a lot older than vinny right
[2008/09/23 19:10] Vanessa : oh yeah old enough to be his mom
[2008/09/23 19:10] a friend: well that's fine if yer honest about it, but no need to tell someone yer 40 when yer 65!
[2008/09/23 19:10] a friend: that's sorta weird
[2008/09/23 19:10] Vanessa : oh yeah
[2008/09/23 19:10] Vanessa : i do lie about my age sometimes ill tell them im 39 sometimes lol

*************
[2008/12/19 21:39] Vanessa dont tell vin im married
[2008/12/19 21:39] a friend: i lost you sugah
[2008/12/19 21:39] Vanessa : or that i have kids
[2008/12/19 21:39] a friend: no no
[2008/12/19 21:39] a friend: i dont even talk to him hun
[2008/12/19 21:40] a friend: lol
[2008/12/19 21:40] a friend: honestly i don't talk to that many people
[2008/12/19 21:40] Vanessa well dont tell anyone lol
[2008/12/19 21:40] Vanessa : you elena and damian are the only ones that know
[2008/12/19 21:40] a friend: dun worry sugah
[2008/12/19 21:40] Vanessa : like i said there is no rl thing between u
[2008/12/19 21:40] Vanessa : s
[2008/12/19 21:40] Vanessa : i mean we skype just to talk
[2008/12/19 21:41]a friend: betweeyou and you vinny you mean
[2008/12/19 21:41] Vanessa : but im trying to keep him together
[2008/12/19 21:41] a friend: hun, i dun care what you do with him sugah
[2008/12/19 21:41] a friend: honestly
[2008/12/19 21:41] Vanessa: there is no rl thing between vinny and me
[2008/12/19 21:41] a friend: yes
[2008/12/19 21:41] Vanessa : he
[2008/12/19 21:41] a friend: i understand
[2008/12/19 21:41] Vanessa : hes 32
[2008/12/19 21:41] a friend: aww
[2008/12/19 21:41] a friend: a mere child ;-)
[2008/12/19 21:41] a friend: lol
[2008/12/19 21:41] Vanessa : doesne want rl kids or marriage
[2008/12/19 21:41] Vanessa : smart man lol
[2008/12/19 21:41] a friend: lol
[2008/12/19 21:41] Vanessa : yes
[2008/12/19 21:41] a friend: well he says that now, some day though, who knows
[2008/12/19 21:42] Vanessa : i mean he knows my age
[2008/12/19 21:42] Vanessa : oh yeah but he will find some one eventually and settle down[2008/12/19 21:42] Vanessa : but its not gonna be me lol

Epiphany

2008-12-27T16:42:00.000Z

I woke up today to an offline from a friend who I was a bit bloody with last night- he is one of the few I have- and I have tested them all deeply over the last couple of weeks. One, I have lost and I am deeply sorry for that. It suddenly dawned on me that maybe I had been behaving more weirdly than I had imagined. Since Vinny dumped me for Vanessa and labelled me as paranoid- when all along I had been right about the two of them- well, it blew my mind. I have been behaving erratically- and I have lost whole days- I functioned- did things, said things, but I have no memory of them. People have told me I need to move on- what they mean is get over it- and, I will- one day. It isnt that easy to accept that the man you loved and the woman who claimed to be your best friend have been lying and playing you for a fool- yes, my pride is hurt too. However- this has to stop- I am driving away the few people who ARE still my friends and thats just dumb. Allowing the spitefulness of my ex husband and this woman to get to me is just prolonging their ability to play me- it has to stop. As I cant rely on them doing the decent thing and leaving me alone- I have to deal a different way. There is only one way- I have to shut it out- totally. Its not going to be easy, and I will have setbacks- but I refuse to allow them to destroy my world totally- they took most of it- but they cant have it all- I wont let them. SL is a very different place for me these days, I need to re aquaint myself with it- the old life has gone forever

all things must change.....

2008-12-17T22:45:00.000Z

o FUCK is all I can say- there was me pontificating in the last entry about rl/sl relationships- secure in the knowledge that my own sl relationship was deep strong and true. GULP! well, yeah, okies- hands up- imma got that one SO wrong. No way am I dissecting what was a very special thing for me here- you wanna talk to me bout it- meet me in SL. What I will say is that I have spent the last week or so re evaluating- an things are gonna be different from now on. The pic- NO it isnt me *slaps* is rl- its ma job, the thing I do most, even more than sleep- it comes first. SL? I haz friends- good ones- true ones- skank free ones. I go into SL to party hard an to DJ- any more- I so seriously doubt that. I am a slow learner- but even a dumbass can learn, yanno.

Yeah- imma still in shock an rambling- its our wedding anniversary this coming Monday- I am freaking bout it- but I will get thru it- more bitter, more twisted- more convinced that the fuckers and the fakers shall inherit the earth- but deep inside, I am still here.

SL? RL? the mix?

2008-11-18T09:01:00.000Z

Jus lately I have been giving some thought to how sl meshes with rl- mostly in relationship terms- and- you know what- its DOESNT! There have been some crossovers into rl I know of- an wtg you guys! mostly however- it jus doesnt have legs. Here is what I think- sl relationships are born of fantasy- we are all gorgeous, witty- we spend our time having fun- whats not to fall in love with? We are all in sl to supplement our rl- something is missing or we wouldnt BE there- go on, protest away- but its the truth. However, when we get close to somebody sl, the temptation to go rl is almost overwhelming- and thats when it all goes pearshaped- all the flaws are there on show- it has to be a huge disappointment.
I also dont get how you can be in a rl relationship and apparently happy, yet be spending all available time in sl with a different partner- idk- cheatin is cheatin- an thats how that one is coloured to me. I can talk with some authority- my own rl marriage ended a few months after I came to sl- an yeah- it was a contributory factor without doubt. I am WAY happier now- but thats a whole other story. Actually, I kinna like where my lives are right now- rl is fun, busy and relationship free whereas sl is all about Vinny- I love that man more each day, he is incredible. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA talk about rl an dammit, it jumps ya- I gotta run n catcha train- I think this one may well feature in future posts tho.

Callie is a plumber....?

2008-10-27T15:58:00.000Z

HAHAHAHAHAHA! No, this isnt a pic of my flat- I am sooooooo proud of maself- I changed the bathroom tap washer all by maself with NO accidents! So, no story there, sadly. Actually, life has been quite boring of late- no mishaps, misunderstandings, source of shits n giggles- pretty straightforward, really.

Vinny an I are proud parents again, baby Lucas arrived yesterday, to add to our SL family. Vin is building a new house- we kinna like the one we currently have- but it needs to be bigger- we got 3 kids now, yanno! My SL brother an RL mate gets married next weekend, imma bridesmaid an also gonna do a DJ set for the reception- sadly Vin wont make it cuz of RL, though. Well, I have procrastinated enough today- I am working at home and really should get back to it.......

2008-10-11T12:37:00.000+01:00

WOW- its been over a month since I last posted- damn thats slack!
OK, get comfy- its catch up time. Thats ma lil courtyard garden- sadly didnt have too much time to enjoy it before the weather turned- but its a lovely day today and I was out pottering, tidying up and sortin the plants out for winter.
The other picture- well- its David Draiman ofc! Went to see Disturbed last saturday at Brixton- omfg- toooooo awesome. Lots more pics- mostly crap n blurry- on ma Flickr site.
Sooooooo, apart from settlin into the new flat- which I am loving a lot- an the odd gig, RL is mostly about work. I am still training (that is sooooo close to a pun *grins*) and really gettin into the job. About a month to go before I get my license and out on my own- cant wait!
As for SL- well, it rolls on- Vinny and I are still happily married an expecting Lucas to join us and the twins at the end of October. Right now a lot of people we know are in turmoil with their relationships there- makes me realise how lucky we are. Dont get me wrong, we have our moments- damn we fight like hell- but we always seem to fix things and come back stronger. DJing is still fun- cant do very much tho, with the shiftwork- my hours are all over the place.
Well, the sun is still shining outside- I have a healthy lunch almost ready, and a little light housework to do. One thing I did when I moved was to leave the tv behind- and although I do occasionally miss it, generally- its been a great idea- I get my chores done a lot sooner! Ohhhhh- one job to be done this afternoon- replace the bathroom tap washer- I know how to do it in principle- but have never actually done it- this may well form a new post soon....

bohemian? LMAO

2008-08-29T18:02:00.001+01:00

thass Clutch performin Electric Worry- saw em in Brighton last night- OMG they rocked! Had such an awesome time- was an adventure, of course! Bunch of guys piled up to the bar as I gots the first drink- an insisted on buyin me Jagers as it was somebodys birthday.... well- several shots later.... I wasnt totally reprehensible- I gots home in one piece an unaccompanied, LOL. Bohemian? Oh yeah- thats how my new landlady described me to the neighbours- how'd you suppose she knew? The new flat is takin shape- imma on a cleanin frenzy still, but its lookin kinna cool, might even post a pic of ma courtyard soon.

back to the future

2008-08-20T06:33:00.000+01:00

LMAO- I always wanted to say that! well, SL is a heap more fun now. Vinny and I have re-partnered- and that has made me mucho happy. I finally worked out the problem- sheesh- the Italiano in that man is astonishing. This is the reworked land so far- new house, with the coolest basement- a huge tv, stage for live music, bar, ofc- pool and darts, too.I still need to work on the landscaping, but we are both really pleased with it so far- and loving our SL and time together too. Vinny is the most incredible man- with a huge heart, all of it MINE! The only irritation SL is that I cant DJ right now, I have a dead mic and cant work out what the problem is- its either a conflict between Vista and my soundcard or the damn card has fritzed- I am going round in circles trying to fix it- driving me crazy.

RL is going pretty good too, gettin on with the job- loving it, in fact. Its a lot of learning- still got at least 11 weeks before I get my license, and off the training salary, which is, umm tight! Its my last day at work today for a week or so- tomorrow I will be doing all the final packing, ready for the move on Friday- I cant wait. I love my new place, and the neighbours here have become almost impossible to deal with- I wont be shedding a tear to leave them behind.

2008-08-06T15:37:00.001+01:00

thats a pic of the pier where I am moving too- a proper Victorian pier- love it! Packin is progressing slowly, damn, its hard work- an knowin it all has to be unpacked at the other end too *sighs* Still, I plan to take a few days off- hopefully the weather will be kind and I can enjoy a glass of wine in ma new courtyard garden. I suspect I will be ready for a break by then- my poor lil brain is creakin with all the information gettin stuffed in it. Goin to see Clutch that week too- cant begin to say how much I am lookin forward to that- an omg, Disturbed are tourin in October- so thats a MUST- jus waitin on friends to sort out days off n stuff. Life is changing, slowly but surely- I am more self sufficient than I have been for a long time. Its funny- I said I would slip into the depot quietly, keepin ma own counsel till I worked out whats what *snorts* I guess it was a vain hope- I am jus not the shy retiring type- an I am WAY easy to spot with the tomato soup coloured hair. God help em when I start to feel at home *grins*

My diabetes seems to be well under control these days, to the point where I think it might be possible to reduce my meds again- I will discuss that with my new GP- another thing on the to do list- find a doctor. I was crackin up yesterday, as I checked out the supermarket situation- its an upmarket town all right- it has a WAITROSE!

2008-08-02T12:46:00.000+01:00

that was how my lagoon looked, before I cleared all the land last week- its all up for sale, right now- but, I may trade it in against a sim- not really decided. SL has become less attractive a place- I have very few friends left there, my brother has left and me n Vinny- well, we are talking. I have no idea if we can recover out relationship, or even if we should- but, seems to me its worth trying. I am much clearer than I have ever been of what I want and expect from my man- and compromise has to be a 2 way thing- we shall see. Whats going on RL? Well, I have found yet another flat, moving in 3 weeks- this one is great, on the coast, big rooms, small courtyard garden- I am really lookin forward to it- though the packing is a nightmare. I havent had much time, the training course I have been on has been pretty exhausting too. However- I passed the first- and most important part this week- so I am kinna pleased with myself. Its a long haul till I qualify as a conductor- at least 12 more weeks, but I am enjoying it- not to mention the bliss of having money in my pocket. Just now, I feel a bit flat still, such a lot of things in transition/turmoil and not a dream in sight. Maybe thats not such a bad thing, a reality check. One lil ray of sunshine- I talked to an old friend earlier, we hadnt exactly drifted apart- more exploded- but we talked an it was good- some people jus wont get outta your head.

even the music doesnt help

2008-07-27T16:34:00.000+01:00

This has to be one of the worst weekends ever- I got home on friday to find my isp had a headfit and disconnected my broadband- so I am currently in a bar on my laptop *sighs*
Most importantly- Vinny and I split on Friday. I am not goin into it here- you can call me inworld if you want- all that needs to be said is that I am paralysed. I am in deep shock- not really feelin anything yet. I have put my land up for sale- I cant see much point in SL without him, but that may change, of course.

means to an end......

2008-07-05T16:26:00.000+01:00

Ok, I gots through a week of working now. MAN, I knew it would hit me hard, but SHEESH! I have been gettin home, loggin into SL to spend an hour or so with Vinny then falling into bed. It will get easier, of course, and moving will cut the travelling time, and fatigue. The picture? Well, its old of course, Matt Dawson hasnt been scrumhalf at Saints for a good while- but the new season starts in a couple of months, and I fully intend to be there for a few home games- really quite excited about it. My last post was pretty down, I am glad to report I am feelin way more positive now. I really do have to lower my expectations of people though. One of the benefits of the new job is membership of a Benevolent fund, and they will foot the bill (ha ha) for my chiropodist, and also, I am going to have aromatherapy again- major bonus! My uniform didnt turn up on Friday as promised, although I do have my safety boots- so I made a very fetching picture this morning, bathrobe and steel toecapped boots- dayumm, imma SMEXEH!

ultra-shopping

2008-06-27T00:07:00.000+01:00

OMGS- I sometimes need supervising, I swear! Was feelin a bit down today- got a heap of stuff going on with the job starting on Monday, and all the things that need to be in place for that, plus trying to sort out a new flat. In addition, SL kinna bites right now. I am going through my regular disappointment cycle- one day I will stop expecting people to act fairly- just because I behave in a certain way doesnt mean a thing. I get tired and upset at being taken for granted, or taken for a fool, but I havent yet managed to stop trying to put myself out for others. However, I am as close as I have ever been- some things that have happened recently have deeply upset me, and right now, I feel like withdrawing. It will pass, it always does- cant teach an old dog new tricks- or an old bish either, for that matter.

This rather depressed mood led to some retail therapy this morning- and omgs, only in SL- I bought the parcel of land adjacent to our home- its been for sale for ages, but today, I needed cheering up. So, I put in the waterfall, extended our lagoon and put out a pile of trees n stuff, I do love our home- a lot of work, and I will be tinkering for ages, but, its more or less in place, now.

Has it made me feel better? No, not really, took my mind off things though, and thats about all I can hope for, I suppose.

Headbanging

2008-06-18T18:04:00.001+01:00

Ooooh, had a heap of fun Monday night- went to the Metal Hammer Golden Gods awards. Gettin there was a challenge- the classic cock up with tickets not arriving. The minute I saw the guy responsible was called Toby, I KNEW it would be a farce- and it was! Still, got it sorted and had somebody meet us at the venue with replacement tickets- VIP passes would have been good- but hey...*grins*

The show is apparently going out on MTV2, tho not too sure how- unless they call it the beep awards beep show- Oderus was hosting and LMAO- the guy is incapable of more than 3 words without a profanity- and two of those three will refer to shagging or drugs. Anyhoo- was a good while since I had been to any live music- so was niiiiiice to be in the pit again. Saw Testament, Apocalyptica, In Flames and Children of Bodom first of all then on to what was, for me the main event- a set by Disturbed. Sheeeeeeeeeit, but they rocked. The sound was crap, as expected- 5 bands in jus over 3 hours doesnt allow for too much work on the mixing desk- but who cared! David Draiman is an awesome showman- and as usual his voice was aural sex. As far as I know the next foray is to see Clutch in August, with a couple of things set up for December along the way. One side effect is that I am now desperate to get working on my next tattoo- I want to have a phoenix, to match the one on my shoulderblade, on my upper arm, with the tail feathers curling round my arm down to my wrist- like the ink that Callie wears in secondlife. Will go talk to the artist with pics n stuff this week- get an idea of time n cost

Peaceful

2008-06-08T01:05:00.000+01:00

Took this shot this morning- its an unusal one- the adjacent sims were down, so this sunset on the water was a lucky coincidence. Vinny was kinna wiped out, so we were just chattin - I love those times. I have a pretty busy SL, so its not every day we get the chance. I have just finished remodelling my rental land- thats where we were, as home was offline. I am pretty pleased with it- 3 very different houses, an awesome wooden build by friend- so damn talented- a tiki house and a modern glass n stone place. I made a lagoon and a spit, which is where we are in that picture.
All in all, my lives are pretty peaceful right now- maybe its the calm before the storm *grins* I am enjoying my SL more than I have for a long time and RL is perkin up too- with the new job I am starting at the end of the month. Sadly, I couldnt swing the finance to move home before I start, so I have a couple of months of 2 hr journeys to face- but hell- whatever it takes to be earning a living again.

2008-05-26T02:35:00.000+01:00

Thats the view from my bedroom window- that was a pretty spectacular dawn earlier on this year. English weather is a bit of a global joke, of course, as a race, we are obsessed with discussing it- but so would you be if you had the variation and unpredictability that comes from living on a small island on the edge of several major air and sea currents. Right now, its almost 3am, and its raining- not in itself remarkable. However- the weather here has been glorious for some weeks, warm and sunny- it rained last night too- and the SMELL! It was positively tropical- that smell of vegetation, dust and warmth that comes with a tropical shower. That is reinforced by the sun in the day, rain at night pattern. Damn, I love living here! I only wish we had the tropical temperatures to go with the current weather pattern- its warm, but many of you would snort derisively- its high sixties, low seventies mostly.

Gamers

2008-05-23T12:25:00.000+01:00

Sheesh! two posts in one day- but, I couldnt resist this opportunity to add a quote...

Well, I guess we are all gamers, by definition. There are so many levels though. I see myself as a low level gamer- I mostly act, react and interact in a natural way, although I do use fantasy in a light way- my pregnancy for example. I do struggle with some of the rp in Secondlife- I just dont understand it, I suppose. Nekos I get to an extent- and, I love the look. Vamps, demons, drows, faes- I get the look, but not the lifestyle. BDSM- well, in my experience pretty much everybody is fantasising and few understand the reality- BDSM is not abuse. Its a dangerous thing to get into if you dont know exactly what you are doing. Gor is a total mystery to me and doesnt really appeal at all. That doesnt make it bad- just not for me.
This post is really to give me an opportunity to quote a friend- damn, I had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard at this...[4:08] Marlena Petrov: oh!! I accidentally went shopping @ gorean sim yesterday??[4:09] Callie Carr: OMG[4:09] Marlena Petrov: so I posted *lets anyone or thing watching know she has shields, a combat system and a BIG gun...and PMS!!!!

I suppose I am a bit of a fish out of water- being a non rp'er in a virtual world- I dont get so much of what happens. The thing that makes SL such fun though, is exactly this diversity- you never know WHAT you might see next. I may not understand what you do- but hey- isnt it great that you can do it?

bacon sarnies!

2008-05-23T11:22:00.000+01:00

Just havin ma fave breakfast, a bacon and mushroom sandwich- or sarnie if ya understand London slang. It is a little late for breakfast- more of a brunch- but PFFFT! Its a glorious day again, and I shall shower and head out for my customary walk on the beach shortly before logging into SL to meet my Vinny, spend a little time with him then off to work- todays gig is at Runaround Sues- fifties and sixties music- a little different from the norm for me. I love playing there, its so different, Susan and Marlena have created a great venue- even the atmosphere is in theme- sort of an innocence. The people are just wonderful, I love it! Last night, I played at my SL brothers club, Voodoo Magic. Its only been open a few days, and we have had some great feedback from visitors, does the old ego a power of good!
I was waffling about quotations the other day- here is another I treasure- it was damned cutting at the time- but with hindsight- also incredibly funny too- thanks Cas- you have put many a smile on my face. "Your ego has outstripped your talent" OMG- I am giggling at the memory all over again. To think that I can be egotistical- I would never have noticed *GRINS*
While I am on about DJ work- I am retained by a wedding venue in SL as their DJ. This means I get to play a heap of stuff I wouldnt normally play, to suit the happy couples plans. A lot of people go traditional, classical music at the ceremony- and of course lovesongs at the reception- so I have a healthy smoochin file. Sometimes though, those special songs are just not mainstream- who the hell is Peter Allen? LMAO!

ok, so who is perfect...?

2008-05-21T17:05:00.000+01:00

Certainly not me!
I started this blog because some of the people I know in SL have them- and well- it seemed like a fun thing to do. I said in my first post that it wouldnt be a tool to beat people with, so apologies, because this posting does contain my opinion of the behaviour of others. Its not because I think I know any better, or behave better- its just- well- commonsense, I think. Some bloggers make a big thing about their blogs being their own view and that those who disagree or disapprove should look elsewhere. PERLEASE! a blog is published and therefore public. That view is akin to having sex in the middle of a park on a Sunday afternoon then telling the arresting policeman that people didnt have to look if they didn't like what they saw. A diary is a better vehicle for ranting, venting, and generally holding court on the percieved actions of others. *GRINS* having vented on the percieved actions of others- let me move on!
What do I do in Secondlife? I am married to Vinny, its our five month anniversary today- the time has flown. We recently had twins, Navarre and Alicia, and we are having a lot of fun with them. Its unlikely that they will grow up- I am not comfortable with that concept. We live in a big riverside house close to the ocean- my land is a great joy to me, I love playin round, landscaping, building. The latest craze in SL is fishing- and, I have to say, its a real hoot. Vinny and I sat on our dock fishing for ages the other day- poor Vinny- Flipper the dolphin kept pinching his bait! I work as a club DJ, playing mostly hard rock and metal, but I also play classic rock sets, and a fifties gig too. It really is a lot of fun and as many of my audience are from the States- they loooove my accent- I am forever having to remind them, that being English- I dont have an accent! I spend time with my friends and family- for example, this Sunday Vinny and I are going to the wedding of two good friends. I love a wedding, and SL ones are often as emotional as RL ones. The speed at which things move in SL mean that few things endure- including relationships. I know of 2 couples who were together when I first met them, almost 2 years ago- everybody else has split up, moved on. My own first marriage in SL ended very badly- but we stayed in touch out of SL- and are very good friends now- which pleases me no end.
My whole SL will need some rethinking soon, a new job is going to impact severely on my routine there- but my SL will carry on, I will still have Vinny, my twins, my house- and I will still DJ as often as I can, though maybe not so regularly.

Quotes

2008-05-15T02:54:00.000+01:00

Spent some time chattin to a good friend tonight- bout all sorts of stuff includin bad airports- I know- may I jus point ya at the blog title- I AM eccentric yanno! Anyhoo, it set me to thinkin bout quotations- now, here is a good insight into the arcane way my mind is wired up...
We talked bout Miami airport- I once spent Christmas night at the Sofitel en route to Bahamas- I always have a martini as soon as possible after landing in the States- at the bar, got chattin to a couple of guys who told me a Dorothy Parker quote...
"I never drink martinis- well, maybe one at most- for after two I am under the table, after three, I am under the host"
That goes into my fave quote folder along with " I have just ordered a Rolls Royce- they tell me it will turn on a sixpence- whatever that is" and "I can resist anything except temptation"

Secondlife

2008-05-10T00:35:00.000+01:00

It occurs to me that I should talk a lil about SL- I spend a lot of time there- not as much as I used to- but it is still a big part of my life. Why? well, its the people primarily. I love my land, and I have a hoot DJing- but hell- I met some awesome people. Some are still close to me- some, I lost on the way- but they still have a hell of an impact- this is not an inclusive list- just some of those awesome individuals- Vinny, my husband, of course- Wylde, Apolline, Miranda, my brother n sisters- Harry, my ex-husband- Casper, Wynternight, Rictus, Greg, Annmarie, Mirari, Azazeal, Kahai- just some of the friends who have touched me deeply. Of course, there are a heap of assholes too- and THAT list remains in my head- I have always had, and still have- a struggle with the gaming that goes on in SL- its not my way, though I do rp to an extent.

SL has taught me a lot- mostly about myself- at one time I used it as a kind of therapy, as so many do- but I have realised that the impact on others is inappropriate- and downright indulgent. Besides, I am actually takin pride in dealing with my issues- been a long time coming.

Its funny, but so many seem to be gettin their shit together right now, in SL and out- me included. Things will be changing again as the world makes fresh calls on me- I hope I dont lose any more friends- that would be damned careless of me. Whatever happens, I am in a much better shape to handle it than I was before I stumbled into SL.

I am grinning as I read this back- anybody not in SecondLife will be raising an eyebrow- I know - it sounds bizarre and a little delusional. It can be, at its worst- but there is also a great deal of good there.

Jack in the Green

2008-05-05T12:38:00.000+01:00

I love living in Hastings- its a town full of eccentrics, which is cool- I blend in nicely. Its also pretty cathartic to live a five minute walk from the beach- the sea speaks to me, as it does so many people. Today was one of my favourite days- Jack in the Green. An old custom revived in the seventies- its an excuse to dress up, drink and dance in the streets, LOL! Its also the day of a huge motorcycle rally- thousands of bikes roaring round- its one of the few times I switch the mp3 off- love the sound of a big bikes exhaust. Take the link to my Flickr site to see a bunch of pics- one pic I didnt get, sadly, was a guy looked exactly like Willy Nelson, walkin down the prom with an owl on his shoulder- dammit- he out-eccentriced me- must try harder!

The procession ends up at Hastings Castle where there is Morris dancing all afternoon till the Jack is slain, allowing summer to arrive- I can hear the drumming from across the valley as I write this. Amazingly, the weather has paid heed- and its a wonderful day- warm and sunny- I actually bared ma arms in public for the first time this year- skeeeeery!

waffle the first

2008-05-05T12:33:00.000+01:00

Hmmmmmmm, what is this about? Weeeeeeell- its random thoughts and reports on stuff I do- some will be related to Second Life, some won't. I do have another life- some of which I dont mind sharing. What it isn't, is a whining spot- at least- thats what I intend. So, I wont be passing comment or opinion on others as a rule of thumb- hellfire, I am not THAT up myself that I think anybody cares.