DAMN-its bright out here!

Yeah- as promised- a RL update- well, in truth, SL is pissing me off to the max right now. I am so sick and tired of it. apparently all my "friends" are so damn busy they dont have any spare time. I got tired of being lonely in there- so fuck it- cleared out my f/l and I am spending less and less time there- more and more in RL.

Spring is trying hard to arrive- its a fabulous day today- i may just head off to the beach for a walk shortly- but I MUST do my housework- last day of a block of rest days, back on early shift tomorrow so I wont have much opportunity. On the subject of work- the bitch that punched me was in court on Wednesday- I wasnt called, so she must have pleaded guilty. A good result! So- what did i do with my days off? I went down to the Isle of wight to spend a few days with friends- who i havent seen for a year, eeek! Looks like i will be heading back for this years Festival- not the most exciting line up- but its always fun- and Neil Young will be cool to see. Last night, i went into London to see Volbeat- and OMG- they were awesome- I love the tunes, but the guys put on a great show- utube link follows- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Qk-m2ZyS88&feature=related The funniest thing is the resemblance Michael has to David Cameron- have you ever seen them in the same rooom........?

I am on a diet *sighs* its actually kinna easy- although last week was a disaster- life with my friends revolves round takeaways, WAY too much booze and NO exercise- fun- but not conducive to weight loss *grinz* Next time I must take over their kitchen- hahaha. The diet is all part of my makeover- I decided i need to get my ass in gear before I am too old to do it- I have a lot of life in me- and I am tired of hiding away- I was never a shrinking violet- time to go out and grab life by the balls again- so- watch out LOL!

Playin poker online with some of the guys from work tomorrow evening- thats a heap of fun- and maybe I will take a little money from them again- who knows.

Renaissance

Well- damn, but who says you cant teach an old dog new tricks? I had a revelation this week on the subject of drama. If you boil it down to its essence- its people running round talking about things that arent anybody elses business. The third party then feels moved (or obliged) to respond with word or deed- and then goes on to repeat- etc etc etc. Yeah, I know its kinna obvious- but OMG- if ya jus keep ya mouth shut in the first place.........!

OK OK- look back at my blog- I have been as guilty as the next bish- but- unlike most- I try not to keep repeating the same pattern. I have an over developed sense of fairplay- and I get outraged at injustice either to me or my friends which has got me into a heap of trouble in the past.

The thing is, people will think what they want to about you, few will take the time to actually ask. So- I am pretty ruthless now- I cut people at the first hint of drama. That isnt to say that, in time- I wont reconsider- my closest friends have all been off my f/l at one time or other. I warn people that they are crossing my no drama line, or my comfort zone is being invaded- but- if they cant or wont keep that away from me- they are gone in a heartbeat. What I WONT do any more is run round bleating about it- cuz that is DRAMA- get it?

I must say- looking at the antics of people from my past is seriously amusing- watching them recreate the past with all the flaws still intact- hearing about them running round like schoolkids, trying to collect friends or ostracise those they have decided to hate this week- dammit people- if you put half as much effort into enjoying yourselves you would be having a 24/7 BALL.

Now- its high time I put a bit of effort into RL- next post will have an update- all sorts of things going on.

The song remains the same

LMAO- a wise man once told me nobody ever leaves SL really- an its so true! I took a break for a few days- but I missed DJing so much- I came back as ma alt- Ornamental Dagger, and was havin a lot of fun, keeping my distance from the problem while the shit settled. Anyway- it didnt work out- the shit is going on and on and on. Amusingly- its going on without me- I am way too busy havin fun in ma re-designed SL- new clubs to play at- a LOT of old friends comin to see me and new ones growing closer. Actually- part of the fun is watchin the latest antics.
I have even restarted a DJ group- it embarrasses the fuck outta me- but as I dont play a regular slot any more, its hard for ppl to know when or where I am playing.
On the RL front- I had great news about my assault- they have identified the bishes and warrants have been issued- so I am lookin forward to my day in court! I have just had a week of rest days- its been great- drinkin and playin SL- even doin some RL too!!!!

...or is it?

an what exactly is it the end of? Well- I have left SL - to give me time to think about that. The campaign of bitching and upset from my ex, his new squeeze and a group of bishes associated with them has continued. The guy was with me for a year- he knows exactly what buttons to press- and omgs- he cant resist it. Despite a declaration from the owner of the club we all work at that further actions would result in people being banned- the thing hasnt stopped at all- its getting worse in fact. The damage that is being done to the club I loved is apparent- the atmosphere is appalling now. I worked there for 17 months- but *shrugs*
I am well aware that almost nobody leaves SL- some take a break- some come back as a new account- some just come back an say fuck you to the haters. I have no idea which it will be for me- thats what I am thinking about. Dont get me wrong- I may sound like a paranoid- but I am NOT- no victim here- just somebody worn out with the constant harassment and devastated by the scarcity of support- even really close friends have told me I am imagining stuff. Anyway- I am not intending this blog to be full of that asshole and his coven- they can get on with their lives- I just wish they would let me get on with mine. Anybody with any morals or compassion would have withdrawn to give me a little space to heal- but well- that aint gonna happen, so I will deal in my own way.
I find I have nothing else to say about anything else- so, I am taking myself off for a hot, scented bath, a book- maybe a nap before work tonight.
I will be back- at some point, in some way- maybe not in SL- but back in some way.

here endeth the lesson...

well- probly not! The SL drama continues- after the chatlogs in the last post- I decided I really couldnt be bothered with the whole thing- but mannnnnn- the kindergarten contingent cant bear to let go. People are lining up on the battlefield- totally oblivious to the fact that over here- the interest is absolutely zero- in fact- I left the field weeks ago. There have been all sorts of manipulations, bitchin, lies and misconceptions. For me- I just ignore the lot of em- players and children. I haz fun with ma friends and anybody who sees it differently- well- its your problem- not mine. It is a real shame that there are people in SL I no longer get to laugh an chat with- but I am not losing sleep, trust me on that.
Enough on SL- what of RL? well, giggin is resuming- Shinedown, Exodus and probly 'tallica comin up in the next couple of months so thats cool. I had a few days off work last week- I was punched in the stomach by a drugged up teenage girl. It is something that happens- rarely, fortunately- and I wasnt badly hurt- luckily it was a fist and not a knife. The police seem confident they can identify her from cctv- and the company will prosecute- they always do on staff assaults.
In summary- neither SL nor RL is sparkling right now- time to put a little more effort into both to get them back on MY track- having fun!

what do you think?

I just received a copy of some conversations going back to AUGUST- when my dear husband and my best friend started to fuck- read and judge for yourself
[2008/08/31 9:33] Vanessa : ive had sex with Vinny
[2008/08/31 9:33] Vanessa : omg i said it
[2008/08/31 9:33] Vanessa : please dont tell
[2008/08/31 9:33] A friend: that's okay hun, i'm not gonna tell
[2008/08/31 9:34] A friend: i mean he had to do half the work
[2008/08/31 9:34] Vanessa : i do not want callie to find out
[2008/08/31 9:34] A friend: was it while they were apart?
[2008/08/31 9:34] Vanessa : nope see please dont hate me
[2008/08/31 9:34] Vanessa : and its over with
[2008/08/31 9:35] Vanessa : and that's the end of that
[2008/08/31 9:35] Vanessa : lol
[2008/08/31 9:35] A Friend: that's okay hun, i don't hate you
[2008/08/31 9:35] A friend: if it were RL, it wouldn't be kewl
[2008/08/31 9:35] Vanessa : lord i would never to that in rl
[2008/08/31 9:35] Vanessa : no way
2008/08/31 9:36] Vanessa : it was just a fluke
[2008/08/31 9:36] Vanessa : and hes still with callie
[2008/08/31 9:37] Vanessa : and shes trying to get pregnant so everything is cool
[2008/08/31 9:38] Vanessa : but they want to do as close to rl as they can
[2008/08/31 9:38] A friend: we aren't in here what we are in RL...we wouldn't hurt people[2008/08/31 9:38] Vanessa : yeah but xxxxx omg he is so fucking good
[2008/08/31 9:38] A friend: and Vinny will keep it mum
[2008/08/31 9:38] Vanessa : no he wont hes not like that
[2008/08/31 9:39] Vanessa : ok so eat this conversation so it cant be found lmao

************* [2008/09/01 12:00] a friend : did something happen with Vinny?
[2008/09/01 12:00] Vanessa : yeah
[2008/09/01 12:00] Vanessa : i have no one to talk to damn it
[2008/09/01 12:01] a friend: sorry
[2008/09/01 12:01] Vanessa : see your not even talking lol
[2008/09/01 12:02] a friend: was trying to get out of sr
[2008/09/01 12:02] a friend: no no
[2008/09/01 12:02] a friend
: i was lagging
[2008/09/01 12:02] a friend: wanna tp me
[2008/09/01 12:02] a friend: i was trying to stop dancing and get out of sr
[2008/09/01 12:02] Vanessa : sure hang on
[2008/09/01 12:14] Vanessa : [12:30] Vincenzo : i actually got fucking jealous with hell talking to you that way...i so wanted to punch him in the face to shut him up
[12:30] Vanessa : really?
[12:31] Vanessa : im sorry baby i didn't know
[12:31] Vincenzo : yeah surprised me too
[12:31] Vincenzo : no its ok baby...its flirting i know
[2008/09/01 12:14] Vanessa :
[12:32] Vincenzo : but that twinge hit me...made me realize how deep your getting under my skin...and i like it...cuz your mine as far as i care
[2008/09/01 12:14] Vanessa :
[12:32] Vincenzo: even if you have another man you still would be until you told me to get lost[2008/09/01 12:14] Vanessa -: god xxxxxxxx please keep this to yourself

*************

[2008/09/23 19:09] Vanessa : callie is in her 40's
[2008/09/23 19:09] Vanessa : but i didn't tell you that
[2008/09/23 19:09] a friend: yeah, a lot older than vinny right
[2008/09/23 19:10] Vanessa : oh yeah old enough to be his mom
[2008/09/23 19:10] a friend: well that's fine if yer honest about it, but no need to tell someone yer 40 when yer 65!
[2008/09/23 19:10] a friend: that's sorta weird
[2008/09/23 19:10] Vanessa : oh yeah
[2008/09/23 19:10] Vanessa : i do lie about my age sometimes ill tell them im 39 sometimes lol

*************
[2008/12/19 21:39] Vanessa dont tell vin im married
[2008/12/19 21:39] a friend: i lost you sugah
[2008/12/19 21:39] Vanessa : or that i have kids
[2008/12/19 21:39] a friend: no no
[2008/12/19 21:39] a friend: i dont even talk to him hun
[2008/12/19 21:40] a friend: lol
[2008/12/19 21:40] a friend: honestly i don't talk to that many people
[2008/12/19 21:40] Vanessa well dont tell anyone lol
[2008/12/19 21:40] Vanessa : you elena and damian are the only ones that know
[2008/12/19 21:40] a friend: dun worry sugah
[2008/12/19 21:40] Vanessa : like i said there is no rl thing between u
[2008/12/19 21:40] Vanessa : s
[2008/12/19 21:40] Vanessa : i mean we skype just to talk
[2008/12/19 21:41]a friend: betweeyou and you vinny you mean
[2008/12/19 21:41] Vanessa : but im trying to keep him together
[2008/12/19 21:41] a friend: hun, i dun care what you do with him sugah
[2008/12/19 21:41] a friend: honestly
[2008/12/19 21:41] Vanessa: there is no rl thing between vinny and me
[2008/12/19 21:41] a friend: yes
[2008/12/19 21:41] Vanessa : he
[2008/12/19 21:41] a friend: i understand
[2008/12/19 21:41] Vanessa : hes 32
[2008/12/19 21:41] a friend: aww
[2008/12/19 21:41] a friend: a mere child ;-)
[2008/12/19 21:41] a friend: lol
[2008/12/19 21:41] Vanessa : doesne want rl kids or marriage
[2008/12/19 21:41] Vanessa : smart man lol
[2008/12/19 21:41] a friend: lol
[2008/12/19 21:41] Vanessa : yes
[2008/12/19 21:41] a friend: well he says that now, some day though, who knows
[2008/12/19 21:42] Vanessa : i mean he knows my age
[2008/12/19 21:42] Vanessa : oh yeah but he will find some one eventually and settle down[2008/12/19 21:42] Vanessa : but its not gonna be me lol

Epiphany

I woke up today to an offline from a friend who I was a bit bloody with last night- he is one of the few I have- and I have tested them all deeply over the last couple of weeks. One, I have lost and I am deeply sorry for that. It suddenly dawned on me that maybe I had been behaving more weirdly than I had imagined. Since Vinny dumped me for Vanessa and labelled me as paranoid- when all along I had been right about the two of them- well, it blew my mind. I have been behaving erratically- and I have lost whole days- I functioned- did things, said things, but I have no memory of them. People have told me I need to move on- what they mean is get over it- and, I will- one day. It isnt that easy to accept that the man you loved and the woman who claimed to be your best friend have been lying and playing you for a fool- yes, my pride is hurt too. However- this has to stop- I am driving away the few people who ARE still my friends and thats just dumb. Allowing the spitefulness of my ex husband and this woman to get to me is just prolonging their ability to play me- it has to stop. As I cant rely on them doing the decent thing and leaving me alone- I have to deal a different way. There is only one way- I have to shut it out- totally. Its not going to be easy, and I will have setbacks- but I refuse to allow them to destroy my world totally- they took most of it- but they cant have it all- I wont let them. SL is a very different place for me these days, I need to re aquaint myself with it- the old life has gone forever