what do you think?

I just received a copy of some conversations going back to AUGUST- when my dear husband and my best friend started to fuck- read and judge for yourself
[2008/08/31 9:33] Vanessa : ive had sex with Vinny
[2008/08/31 9:33] Vanessa : omg i said it
[2008/08/31 9:33] Vanessa : please dont tell
[2008/08/31 9:33] A friend: that's okay hun, i'm not gonna tell
[2008/08/31 9:34] A friend: i mean he had to do half the work
[2008/08/31 9:34] Vanessa : i do not want callie to find out
[2008/08/31 9:34] A friend: was it while they were apart?
[2008/08/31 9:34] Vanessa : nope see please dont hate me
[2008/08/31 9:34] Vanessa : and its over with
[2008/08/31 9:35] Vanessa : and that's the end of that
[2008/08/31 9:35] Vanessa : lol
[2008/08/31 9:35] A Friend: that's okay hun, i don't hate you
[2008/08/31 9:35] A friend: if it were RL, it wouldn't be kewl
[2008/08/31 9:35] Vanessa : lord i would never to that in rl
[2008/08/31 9:35] Vanessa : no way
2008/08/31 9:36] Vanessa : it was just a fluke
[2008/08/31 9:36] Vanessa : and hes still with callie
[2008/08/31 9:37] Vanessa : and shes trying to get pregnant so everything is cool
[2008/08/31 9:38] Vanessa : but they want to do as close to rl as they can
[2008/08/31 9:38] A friend: we aren't in here what we are in RL...we wouldn't hurt people[2008/08/31 9:38] Vanessa : yeah but xxxxx omg he is so fucking good
[2008/08/31 9:38] A friend: and Vinny will keep it mum
[2008/08/31 9:38] Vanessa : no he wont hes not like that
[2008/08/31 9:39] Vanessa : ok so eat this conversation so it cant be found lmao

************* [2008/09/01 12:00] a friend : did something happen with Vinny?
[2008/09/01 12:00] Vanessa : yeah
[2008/09/01 12:00] Vanessa : i have no one to talk to damn it
[2008/09/01 12:01] a friend: sorry
[2008/09/01 12:01] Vanessa : see your not even talking lol
[2008/09/01 12:02] a friend: was trying to get out of sr
[2008/09/01 12:02] a friend: no no
[2008/09/01 12:02] a friend
: i was lagging
[2008/09/01 12:02] a friend: wanna tp me
[2008/09/01 12:02] a friend: i was trying to stop dancing and get out of sr
[2008/09/01 12:02] Vanessa : sure hang on
[2008/09/01 12:14] Vanessa : [12:30] Vincenzo : i actually got fucking jealous with hell talking to you that way...i so wanted to punch him in the face to shut him up
[12:30] Vanessa : really?
[12:31] Vanessa : im sorry baby i didn't know
[12:31] Vincenzo : yeah surprised me too
[12:31] Vincenzo : no its ok baby...its flirting i know
[2008/09/01 12:14] Vanessa :
[12:32] Vincenzo : but that twinge hit me...made me realize how deep your getting under my skin...and i like it...cuz your mine as far as i care
[2008/09/01 12:14] Vanessa :
[12:32] Vincenzo: even if you have another man you still would be until you told me to get lost[2008/09/01 12:14] Vanessa -: god xxxxxxxx please keep this to yourself

*************

[2008/09/23 19:09] Vanessa : callie is in her 40's
[2008/09/23 19:09] Vanessa : but i didn't tell you that
[2008/09/23 19:09] a friend: yeah, a lot older than vinny right
[2008/09/23 19:10] Vanessa : oh yeah old enough to be his mom
[2008/09/23 19:10] a friend: well that's fine if yer honest about it, but no need to tell someone yer 40 when yer 65!
[2008/09/23 19:10] a friend: that's sorta weird
[2008/09/23 19:10] Vanessa : oh yeah
[2008/09/23 19:10] Vanessa : i do lie about my age sometimes ill tell them im 39 sometimes lol

*************
[2008/12/19 21:39] Vanessa dont tell vin im married
[2008/12/19 21:39] a friend: i lost you sugah
[2008/12/19 21:39] Vanessa : or that i have kids
[2008/12/19 21:39] a friend: no no
[2008/12/19 21:39] a friend: i dont even talk to him hun
[2008/12/19 21:40] a friend: lol
[2008/12/19 21:40] a friend: honestly i don't talk to that many people
[2008/12/19 21:40] Vanessa well dont tell anyone lol
[2008/12/19 21:40] Vanessa : you elena and damian are the only ones that know
[2008/12/19 21:40] a friend: dun worry sugah
[2008/12/19 21:40] Vanessa : like i said there is no rl thing between u
[2008/12/19 21:40] Vanessa : s
[2008/12/19 21:40] Vanessa : i mean we skype just to talk
[2008/12/19 21:41]a friend: betweeyou and you vinny you mean
[2008/12/19 21:41] Vanessa : but im trying to keep him together
[2008/12/19 21:41] a friend: hun, i dun care what you do with him sugah
[2008/12/19 21:41] a friend: honestly
[2008/12/19 21:41] Vanessa: there is no rl thing between vinny and me
[2008/12/19 21:41] a friend: yes
[2008/12/19 21:41] Vanessa : he
[2008/12/19 21:41] a friend: i understand
[2008/12/19 21:41] Vanessa : hes 32
[2008/12/19 21:41] a friend: aww
[2008/12/19 21:41] a friend: a mere child ;-)
[2008/12/19 21:41] a friend: lol
[2008/12/19 21:41] Vanessa : doesne want rl kids or marriage
[2008/12/19 21:41] Vanessa : smart man lol
[2008/12/19 21:41] a friend: lol
[2008/12/19 21:41] Vanessa : yes
[2008/12/19 21:41] a friend: well he says that now, some day though, who knows
[2008/12/19 21:42] Vanessa : i mean he knows my age
[2008/12/19 21:42] Vanessa : oh yeah but he will find some one eventually and settle down[2008/12/19 21:42] Vanessa : but its not gonna be me lol

Epiphany

I woke up today to an offline from a friend who I was a bit bloody with last night- he is one of the few I have- and I have tested them all deeply over the last couple of weeks. One, I have lost and I am deeply sorry for that. It suddenly dawned on me that maybe I had been behaving more weirdly than I had imagined. Since Vinny dumped me for Vanessa and labelled me as paranoid- when all along I had been right about the two of them- well, it blew my mind. I have been behaving erratically- and I have lost whole days- I functioned- did things, said things, but I have no memory of them. People have told me I need to move on- what they mean is get over it- and, I will- one day. It isnt that easy to accept that the man you loved and the woman who claimed to be your best friend have been lying and playing you for a fool- yes, my pride is hurt too. However- this has to stop- I am driving away the few people who ARE still my friends and thats just dumb. Allowing the spitefulness of my ex husband and this woman to get to me is just prolonging their ability to play me- it has to stop. As I cant rely on them doing the decent thing and leaving me alone- I have to deal a different way. There is only one way- I have to shut it out- totally. Its not going to be easy, and I will have setbacks- but I refuse to allow them to destroy my world totally- they took most of it- but they cant have it all- I wont let them. SL is a very different place for me these days, I need to re aquaint myself with it- the old life has gone forever

all things must change.....

o FUCK is all I can say- there was me pontificating in the last entry about rl/sl relationships- secure in the knowledge that my own sl relationship was deep strong and true. GULP! well, yeah, okies- hands up- imma got that one SO wrong. No way am I dissecting what was a very special thing for me here- you wanna talk to me bout it- meet me in SL. What I will say is that I have spent the last week or so re evaluating- an things are gonna be different from now on. The pic- NO it isnt me *slaps* is rl- its ma job, the thing I do most, even more than sleep- it comes first. SL? I haz friends- good ones- true ones- skank free ones. I go into SL to party hard an to DJ- any more- I so seriously doubt that. I am a slow learner- but even a dumbass can learn, yanno.

Yeah- imma still in shock an rambling- its our wedding anniversary this coming Monday- I am freaking bout it- but I will get thru it- more bitter, more twisted- more convinced that the fuckers and the fakers shall inherit the earth- but deep inside, I am still here.