to every thing there is a season...

that came to me as a title for this post- and it occurred to me- I didnt know the source- apart from Byrds lyrics. Turns out its a biblical quote- and its extremely apt just now- so I will start by quoting it in full....

To everything there is a season,
a time for every purpose under the sun.
A time to be born and a time to die;
a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
a time to kill and a time to heal ...
a time to weep and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn and a time to dance ...
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to lose and a time to seek;
a time to rend and a time to sew;
a time to keep silent and a time to speak;
a time to love and a time to hate;
a time for war and a time for peace.

ecclesiastes 3:1-8


Since I last blogged- I have been dealing with my RL trauma- I am still off work, on anti-depressants and in therapy. My mental state regressed further than I had hoped after the attack but I am full of hope that the rebuilt me will be a better, more stable person- its an opportunity. Right now, I struggle to have anything to do with anybody but a few trusted individuals. I rarely leave home except to see my therapist, doctor or fetch groceries. I do still DJ in SL- and I do have a few ppl that I am close to- but even there I almost never hang out- I go to work then back home. The "new" me hasnt been able to shake off the past totally- I knew that continuing to DJ would mean I might be recognised- but I rather naively assumed that as I had started over in a new avi- in new places- that people would realise I had broken with the past- but, some people never move on, it seems. It just makes me more reclusive and less inclined to be around people and the surprise has been how little I miss that life.
I am not the only one in SL undergoing huge change it seems- I occasionally do a profile/blog perve. In the main, I am relieved that these things no longer impact on me- and just occasionally, I feel for some of the people who are. The drama explosions lately in some areas has thrown some interesting shit to the top of the pile and I will bet that the aftershocks will be equally as puerile and entertaining. Its kinna like a car crash- you know you shouldnt look- but you just have to peek.
I am still not sure about continuing this blog- Callie is almost certainly not going to return to SL and I have no intention of linking this blog to my new SL life, yet I do like to post occasionally.

vacuum packed

thats how my brain feels. I went back to work for a few days- but I had to go sick again. I simply am not coping- the doctors are saying I have PTSD- and thats a long process of therapy to come. I havent begun counselling yet-being tossed from one place to another like a hot potato and I am not on any meds. I saw my GP today and I do now have a prescription- I am thinking i should take something. I dont sleep more than 3 hours at a time- and I am suppressing my dreams. The trauma is coming out in odd ways- and my memory is still a total joke. I am also freaking about the most innocent of situations. One good thing is SL- I have a low key life- do a lil DJing- play with the land I got- love to landscape- and I explore. I love the creativity of SL- the freedom. Seems everybody is some kinna hudsucker or treasure hunter these days- I cant relate- why come to a limitless place and set goals- which are gonna restrict you? I found one or two amazing friends too- the aussie, the northern git and the yank- you enrich my SL beyond measure, guys. You and the two I allowed in from Callie days- such treasure.

I didnt see it coming...

I am off work currently- on Saturday, I was assaulted again. This time it was a sexual assault- not serious- but nevertheless it has upset me badly. Its odd- I could have accepted a punch much easier than what happened. Its 3 days ago- and I can still feel his hands on me now *shudders* I wont get graphic- but it was unprovoked and unexpected- and mercifully brief. Hopefully the police will get the fucker. All this has put the rest of my life into a bit of a shadow- I am just wandering round, sitting at the pc and occasionally sleeping- trying not to sleep for too long- in case i dream. I am heading to the doctor tomorrow- think I could do with some blotto pills for a few days. Its quite ironic as the only respite I have is SL- and yes, its fun- I think I deserve a little fun. My favourite new possessions are my sharks- Ozzy and Sharon- you can tell Ozzy- hes the one swimming in aimless circles...

reincarnation

something I always subscribe to- a hella lot easier in SL *grinz* I see by the traffic tailing off to this blog that people have lost interest- and that allowed me to do the inevitable- yes, I am back in SL- occasionally. Who am I now? NU-UH! Not because I want to deceive or indulge in any of the amateur dramatics- but because I am NOT recreating the shitfest that Callie lived in. My new character looks different- goes different places- does different things. Of course- its not hard to work out- its still me at the pc- but the chances of bumping into me are strongly diminished as I avoid all the old haunts, activities and people. With one exception- I still DJ- I still get a buzz from it- so, I still do it. So, SL has gone back to being fun- I RP a lot now- something Callie rarely did. The whole focus of the place has shifted for me- its pretty cool right now- I am having fun- made some great new friends. Those of you who were kind to me- please dont feel aggrieved- but if I contact you all- then I am simply recreating Callie- and I really cant do that- it was way too painful. If I ever see you inworld- I will say hi- so if some random av starts chatting- say hi back- it might just be me *smiles*
RL- well, it continues its erratic path- back on late shifts this week, I much prefer them. I had the ickiest experience this week...a bad reaction to a mosquito bite- I seem to suffer since I became diabetic. Anyhoo- I had what I thought was a HUGE blister form- it was bout the size of a quails egg. After a couple days, I was still using antihistamine cream to stop the itching- and this "blister" fell off- it was solid- like a jelly pad. I FREAKED! underneath was a raw patch which now seems to be healing ok- but OMG- I never saw anything like that before. I guess I need to be more careful- I have taken to spraying insect repellant daily at home. Hmmmmm- does that last bit qualify as tmi? I think so *smiles proudly*

Dawning

OK- this is likely to be a particularly rambling post- so- pay attention *grinz* I was jus wondering whether it makes sense to keep posting as Callie- as she is no longer a part of me? Trouble is- its a pain in the ass to start over- even with a blog- so- i will probly continue, just tweak the profile some. Has Callie been back to SL? Of course- a couple of times- to tidy up stuff and once to talk to...well- no matter- a closed door. Will she return? Highly unlikely- it was a sad and lonely place for her at times- a lot of good ones- but sheesh- the lows were fkn horrendous. Will I start over- maybe- lets face it- its an addiction- and I do miss it at times. One thing is for sure- I would hang in different places with different people, doing different stuff- why recreate shit?
Sooo- what have I been up to? Basically working!!! Right now I am on a long weekend- so, of course the fantastic weather we have had here headed for the hills- its grey and rainy- but thats ok- getting stuff done round the flat- being domestic. I have to say- nothing hugely exciting happening- I just felt like a waffle.
I considered going to a different world- but that held no appeal either- the very things that make SL such a painful place are the ones I enjoy- the freedom, the unstructured nature of it. SL was always my social life- first of all because I had no confidence or money to pursue one RL, and latterly because my free time isnt conducive to a RL social life- so its been pretty weird- watching some more tv- BAD- catching up on some movies- not so bad.
You see the way my mind is going? Yeah- me too *sighs* addiction is hard work, yanno. Anyhoo- I guess its probable that a new avi will turn up in SL in the future- but dont bother informing the drama police- they wont be associated with Callie- or what would be the point?
I know a lot of people read this- well- would be kinna pointless blogging if nobody did, huh? So- I wanted to say thanks to the couple of people who took time to send me messages lately- Unome and Aldo. IM to Callie do find their way into my e mails *smiles*
Now- I have the most exciting day planned- gonna cruise the aisles of the supermarket- then I have a pamper afternoon planned- its all about MEEEEEE!!!!

gone away

I finally got to the end of the line. My SL is in pieces once again- and I dont have the energy to put it back together. I guess that I wanted too much- I spent too much time alone there- too much time worrying- too much time being deceived- I can do all of that RL. I doubt I will be back- even the dumbest animal learns eventually. It took me almost three years and a small lake of tears- its time to walk away. I will still blog from time to time.

move on.......

lmao- I can imagine the scramblin THAT title is gonna cause- fooled ya all!!!! It refers to my pleas to my passengers on Sunday night. I was working the last train down from London- and a HEAP of people who had been to the Springsteen concert in Hyde Park were trying to get on- we didnt quite have to resort to pushing them into the carriages- but it was close- I have never seen a more crowded train. I was safely in the rear cab, but omg- I felt so sorry for em. We are havin a fantastic spell of hot weather here- around 90 degrees- its sooo nice! I love it hot- and I dont mind wet either- umm- humid- umm- well, wet works too..... *grinz* As you can tell, I am in good humour currently- today is a day off and I been to the hairdresser- guaranteed to cheer me up- I duz like ma pampering.
SL? well- big changes there too- I have found a purpose- a project is underway. I am turning my attic into a party room- its lookin kinna cool and I am lookin forward to having a few laughs there. The idea is to recreate some of the fun times- fuck the drama an the high school shenanigans- jus fun an laughter.
I am hangin with some different ppl these days- and lookin up some old friends too- the rebirth of my SL is well underway. When I chose the phoenix as my emblem- I had no idea how accurate it would be- risen from the ashes a few times now- and- here we go again.........

Casa Callie

Well, thats how my place looks now- its not finished- and- my heart hasnt been in it, really- just busy work. I got to that stage I knew I would reach- where I am running out of things to distract myself with. No purpose has emerged as yet- and until that happens, SL is a pretty bleak place. I am trying very hard not to rely on friends support- but its not easy. *smiles* an old friend once said to me- its ok to fall in love- just not so hard, k? I never did get the hang of that. Anyway- enough whining- it is how it is- and I did my best to make it right.
RL is - well, RL. Being back at work has been good- I am even thinkin bout actually going away for my summer leave which is mid august this year- just not sure where. I am thinkin I might take a couple of short city breaks- I never got to Rome yet, and I would like to go back to Barcelona- or I might just take myself off to a beach for a couple of weeks. I really dont know- I am pretty rocked and low and its hard to be enthusiastic about anything much. It will pass, I know- its just allowing myself time to settle- and finding myself again. If you find me- please return me *grinz*

Frozen

Well- more numb really. Here we go again *sighs* I managed to drive my darling Draf away. Not gonna go into detail- not the place- but I got it spectacularly wrong- and he cant forgive me. I was ok for a couple of days- totally in shock- but last night the misery that I knew was waiting kinna set in. It will get better- but mannn- its hard. This is not like before- that was crap that was done to me- this- is my own doing. He was the best thing I ever had- we were so perfect- and I ruined it. So- right now,I am trying to keep busy- distract myself. Its pointless going over and over it- I cant take it back- and I cant make it right. I would do anything to be able to- but he has closed the door- so- its over.
The very few that are close are gold right now- despite some screaming drama from a seriously disturbed individual- thats a whole other story and doesnt deserve any further mention. It simply reminded me- go with your gut- my instincts are generally pretty good.
So, where do I go now? Who knows- I am just remodelling my land- it was far too painful to leave it as it was, without its heart- my heart, my Draf. Other than that- I occasionally venture out with friends- and I do laugh, flirt- hell, I am a fuckin good actress- but I am totally without purpose now. Until I regain that- its going to be tough. I am back to work tomorrow and that will be good- more distraction- so today, I need to get my act together- I am exhausted and in serious back pain- all stress. Right now, I am going for another soak in the tub, then back to bed for a nap.

gigging an stuff

Saturday night was pretty damn good- Sevendust supporting Buckcherry- had a real blast. I have to take my hat off to the guy on the mixing desk for Buckcherry- he got it spot on- its not a big venue and a bad shape- so he backed off the volume and let the sound work- so few mixers do anything besides crank it up these days. Heard all the old favourites *grinz* even THAT tune- and yanno- it may be way overplayed- but hell it had the entire room dancin an singing- even ME *laughs* It was really packed and I got stuck by one of the bars- dayumm!!! so there was nothing for it but to drink- so Mr Daniels took a bit of punishment, I confess. Because the Islington Academy is in a shopping precinct- it has a wildly early curfew- was kicked out at 10pm- but thats not so bad- I got back to Vic in time to buy some chinese food and a bottle of wine to drink on the train- yeah- I know- a regular saturday night asshole - at least I didnt vomit on the train *laughs* I carried on drinking some when I got home- so Sunday was fragile head time in spades. That is my excuse for a poor performance in the karting sunday afternoon- I didnt come last- but almost. However- it was such a heap of fun- its been so long since I went karting- loved it- despite the helmet hair. Sadly- I didnt see much of Draf this weekend- bloody typical- the first weekend for ages he had no plans- and I did- so he took himself out saturday night too- and then sunday- we were just settling in to an evening together and he got called to a bbq- anybody would think it was summer! Well- no matter- hes not going anywhere- and neither am I.
Been a fantastic hot day again today- I had intended to go for a walk- but- I think i was still shaking off the last of the alcohol- so I never really got past the side of the bed LOL. Back to work on Friday- and I still need to valet the car and finish the housework- just the bedroom to sort out now- I got a lot of boring stuff like windows and tiles cleaned while I been off- man, how domesticated do I sound!
SL? well, more of the same really- I dont tend to do much besides talk to the few and spend time with my darling Draf. I tried to get my ban at SR lifted this week- silly me- I forgot that they dont do logic there. I go once in a while- in one alt or another- I dont cause trouble- I go to see people- so it seemed to me that as they know all this- it would cause less drama- and be more honest for me to go as Callie. Unbelievably, they prefer to have me sneaking around as alts- I guess without its drama SR would lose its way- whatever- it isnt that important. I admit it was important enough to ask- but hell- it actually doesnt make that much difference to me- changes nothing. Weirdly- the reason was all to do with something that was only hinted at- and that I have NO clue about- something about me damaging the club- I really dunno what thats about. But then again- I forgot about the paranoid and incredibly bitter people they get there- lotsa talk about moving on- when what they actually mean is stay away. Moving on means being able to be in the same room without getting uptight- and I been able to do that for months now- shame about the others.
LMAO- you gotta love SL- somebody just sent me a psychedelic squid- I have no idea why- but hey!

Meltdown

.
It seems the british political system is in meltdown right now- I am just amazed it took as long as it did for the Labour party to take that step too far for the public- but they finally did it- and despite the Prime Minister clutching on like a polar bear on a melting ice floe (geddit! damn, but imma smart one!)There really isnt enough support to keep him afloat any more. We need an election- and soon. Later on today the results of the county council elections will be out- and on Sunday the euro elections- and its widely expected that Labour while be annihilated. Hopefully this will hasten a vote of no confidence in the government and enable the election we need. Ok- enough of the current affairs- whats up with Callie? Got a heap of crap going on at work that has stressed me out a bit- I cant talk about it at the moment- but when its all over- dear readers- you will hear all about it.We are also waiting to find out if we get new uniforms- sometime next week the results of the franchise bids will be announced- it literally does mean just a change of uniform and train livery for us. I love having a virtually recessionproof job. I have just 2 more days before my block of rest days- today I am spare, so a fairly easy one- and tomorrow is death by London Bridge as per usual on a weekend. After that..... oooh- sleep, rest and some time for ME- got a few DJ sets booked up in SL- and of course some time with Draf- its been a hard week for us- hes been on call and so I havent seen him pretty much- just a few message exchanges. We intend to put that right this evening and I cant wait!
SL in general- well- its pretty much a non event without Draf, to be honest- I go and DJ- chat to one of the few if they are around- but in truth I havent been online that much- rl is biting my ass too lately and the weather this past week has been so fantastic, I wanted to spend a bit of time outside- although no tanning for me- not till next summer- I cant expose my new tatt to the sun yet- so its fake tan on the legs- they really have to have some colour- not a pretty sight

Karma

A lot of people spout about karma being a bitch- yadda yadda- it certainly does seem that you reap what you sow- the idea crops up in most philosophies- wiccan harm ye none, do as ye will- the christian, the buddhist- and experience tells me that sooner or later your yang will catch up with your yin (hows THAT for mixed imagery? Whats that got to do with anything you may ask- and the answer is absolutely nothing! This is a random rambling post- I always think they are my finest.Before I leave the subject though, I would have to say that I am enjoying my own lil bit of karma- all the pain and hurt and downright unfairness that I have endured have melted away in the blazing heat of the happiness that is my life right now. I dont give two hoots about whether- or when the ills of others are returned to them- I know they will be sooner or later. As for me- its so damn nice to be on the upstroke of the seesaw for a while.
Had a bit of luck last night- I was working the last train down from London- affectionately known as the vomit comet to traincrew- and halfway home got a message from Control to say that Victoria had been evacuated due to a fire (not serious) that would have caused me mega delay- and I reckon 1am is late enough to finish work in anybodys books, without added delays. See- there is a good example of how karma is rewarding me.
Whats going on in SL? well, its pretty peachy there too, of course- my Master has put a new complexion on my life in all worlds *smiles* I did the DUMBEST thing earlier, however- their was a mega griefing attack, and despite having no object entry or build, I was still being hit- so without thinking I put autoreturn on... and sent back almost 2000 prims- mostly to myself *cries* so unless Azure can rollback and restore for me- I have to re rezz and re place every damn item *sighs* I was gonna talk about an alt I spotted last night- but hell- I cant be asked to do them the courtesy of wasting ma typing on em.
Well, here we go again, time for me to go get ready for work- I have a day off tomorrow YAY! I am so looking forward to that- then another two weeks to go with just two single rest days- and then NINE whole days off ooooooh the BLISS!

never before published..........

So- there it is- the results of ma first session at Kalima- I am really pleased- still some work to do on the body of the bird, and the background- flowers n clouds- and of course- the all important tail feathers which will curl down to my wrist- but its been worth the wait- next session isnt booked till July- the woman gets seriously busy- but then- shes pretty damn good. I worked all the weekend, and am due to work right through till Friday week with only two separate days off- but I put in for a couple of annual leave days to give me a long weekend- we will see- find out when I get in. If I dont get em, will just have to grit my teeth- Friday week I start a block of nine rest days- woot for weird shift patterns! I might just actually DO something with my time off- I wont go away, but I feel like going out for some days- thats if I can tear myself away from Draf *smiles* the absoulute joy of having a man who is open, honest and most importantly who CARES about me and my feelings. We think alike on everything (except chocolate) and that includes relationships- it is truly astounding- I feel like spouting the usual cliches bout soulmates n all- but no- with him, I dont need to- it just IS.
Last night was pretty funny- we had darlin Tyn over n hung out for a bit, then went out dancing in SL- well- tried to- there was a DJ trial at Colisseum- and the guy needed to either sort his levels or get some cleaner downloads- the sound was pretty ropy- so we moved to Deranged- and the tune there was a really bad quality live cut- so we ended up going home, and I played for Draf while we cuddled in our hammock- even simple things like that are so damn good with him- gettin the picture?- I am pretty much devoted *laughs*
As for rl- its pretty much work- though I do have a lot of laughs there- cooked breakfast in the crewroom yesterday as I had over an hour before my first train went out- bacon, sausage and egg sammiches- yummalicious! Looking forward to goin to see Buckcherry and Sevendust in June- I decided to give the festivals a miss this year- wanna try n get a lil money saved up- although as fast as I save it..... had to pay a massive parking bill last month- and this month I got 2 speeding fines to pay- yeah, i know- dumbass me- bloody speed cameras!

wooohoo for weekends!

Seems my last post rattled a few cages- within 3 hours of making it, the screaming vitriol in the comments appeared- deary me- if you guys have nothing better to do after all this time than monitor my every move so closely, not to mention the rather childish responses- well sheesh! Still, I suppose it is preferable to your own sad,empty lives- after all- I do have a life- in all the worlds I inhabit. Which brings me on to this weekend- OMG! the sheer bliss- I actually have a weekend off! It only happens bout once every couple of months- so although I get heaps of time off- a weekend is kinna special. Its a reasonable day- so, I am off to walk round Cissbury Ring- thats the place in the pic- its the second largest iron age fort in England- and the views are supposed to be fantastic, so I will take my camera. I have a sore arm today- began work on my new phoenix tatt- got most of the body of the bird done, still the clouds, flowers and the tail to do- it wont be complete before august- so no pics yet- or should I do work in progress...idk- we will see how the mood takes me.
Later on, I will spend the evening with Draf *sighs happily* we didnt get to see each other this week because of my shifts- last night was the first time for a few days- and we had such a good time. Draf was in the mood to spin, and we just sat at home listening to the tunes and chatting- was one of those nights where one song sparked off another- love those times! As in all things- we are totally in sync musically- its quite spooky actually- so far the only thing we dont agree on is chocolate- though he quite understands the pull for a woman *grinz*
Tomorrow, I want to do some cooking, get some meals prepared and in the freezer- its so easy to buy crap to eat at work- most stations have a vending machine if not a handy chip shop/burger bar/cafe- far to easy to live on that stuff. Had a bit of excitement this week- there was a fire on a bridge in the Arun valley, and my train was held at Amberley for forty minutes while the bridge was inspected to see if it was safe for us to proceed. I had 29 passengers on board, a nice managable number to keep informed and happy- I had time to talk to them all individually. Well, time to get my hiking boots on- damn, life is good!

Move ON, already!

I am an unrepentant profile perv- always have been, always will be. Mostly its ppl that interest me that I see out an about- but sometimes its old friends- and even more rarely its old, umm, well, lets say ppl I used to know in SL *chuckles* Its a harmeless entertainment. As so often happens, a profile leads on to another- like a daisy chain? I IM somebody I hadnt seen for AGES recently cuz I came across their name in this way- it was fun- "where the fuck have you been" kinna conversation. Sooooooo- I had occasion to look at my ex's profile recently- and I am damned if he hasnt got this rather pompous comment about me in his profile still- five months after we split- FFS! move on, saddo! That led me to have a look at his partners profile and omg was that FUNNY! A pic of their house and a coo about their happy homelife.... house, modded by him- with building tools paid for by me- three children- pregnancies and pixel babies paid for by me- wolves and cub- paid for by me......that lil slice of paradise comes to best part of $L20,000- I do hope you both enjoy it. Personally, I prefer to pay for my own SL- always have- still do.
Seems he is happy to lay (flawed) judgement at my door but is happy to use stuff I bought him- I really dont mind- but it does seem a tad hypocritical to do both?

annual review

I just read this blog from the beginning- a year since I started it, and almost everything has changed. I have a job- I live in a different place in a different town- and my SL is totally transformed. I was happy and married then- went through a horrendously painful split- now I am happy and collared. We arent partnered- Draf hasn't asked me and probably never will, its not his way- but I am secure enough not to need any more than I have with him- in fact- I am overflowing with joy. It doesnt mean I wouldnt be proud to have his name on my profile- of course I would- its just not as important as it once may have been. He shows me more care and respect than any man before him- in any world. The last time I gushed about my love for a man it all went badly pear shaped- but that is because it was all based on lies and deceptions. Draf and I rp- a lot more than I ever have before- but the bedrock of our relationship is our ability to connect on all levels- we are Master and pet first and foremost, but we also have a strong vanilla streak in our relationship- we are SL, but we have a big RL connection too.
The picture is our home, looking back from the beach- out front is a japanese garden, and in the distance is our lagoon and the shooting range beyond that- yup- almost 3 years in SL and I finally have a gun- and its FUN! A couple of nights ago Draf made a beautiful picture which hangs behind his desk- it is the symbol that means Real, True- and we renamed the land Real- because it is our home- and its what we are. We are real in our relationship, real in the people we are- real in every sense. *grinz* this is turning into a Drafichi lovefest rather than a review- but yanno what- SO WHAT!!! he is such a huge chunk of my life, its appropriate.
A couple of things stuck out from the years blog entries- and one is the list of friends I published then- only one remains close to me- Casper- I love you so fuckin much, darlin. This guy knows me better than anybody- he has seen me at my best and at my worst- a LOT! As for the rest- some turned out to be assholes- I am sure they know who they are without me pointing out the bullshit nests they live in- but most just drifted away to an SL that didnt have me in it- that will happen- I do it myself- it seems that February is my annual clear out the friends list time- when I become totally disenchanted with my SL and the people I know.
I DJ rarely now- the bizarre hours I work means I cant be inworld at the same times each week, but I fill in whenever I can- although my Draf time is quite precious to me- so I sometimes let opportunities go rather than DJ when he is inworld. The club scene in SL is so riddled with drama, now that I dont spend so much time in them, my drama levels have dropped - in fact- disappeared. I suspect wiping out my friends list has something to do with that too.......
The tattoo I talked about last year begins to appear next month, I am sooo excited by that- and be sure a pic will appear.
So, in summary- a year of change- of rebirth- the phoenix is truly a good symbol for this blog- the fires of destruction were raging at one or two points- but I emerged- and each time I have learned- I have adapted- I have grown. What will this next year bring? I know what I hope for- I know what I want- and that in itself is a huge change from a year ago- perhaps in a years time I will be commenting on how my hopes have become a reality- I certainly intend to do everything I can to bring that about!

WOW is all I can say- damn but SL is such a roller coaster. I have always said that few ever really leave- and that includes me- I hide out in an alt sometimes, but my addiction is too strong to leave completely. I cleared out my f/l and was pretty much as low as I have ever been inworld- in fact, I was about to take a total break, when....... I was hanging out and this hot guy walked by- couldnt resist shooting him an IM, we got talking- we went dancing and then.......OMFG!!!!!
I have never had the slightest inclination to be collared since Harry left, two years ago- the Doms I have seen in SL simply ARENT- and I care too much about myself to walk into an abusive relationship. This man is pure Dom- for real. We have been together constantly since we met- I submitted to him and took his collar a month ago now- and I have never been happier. We have totally made over the land, and now have a dojo and a japanese garden along with lots of other stuff- yeah, I am still a "stuff" whore- probly always will be. Drafichi Lightfoot is the man who has changed my whole world- I had no intention of getting seriously involved with anybody in SL and certainly not a BDSM relationship- and here I am- grinning like crazy inworld and out. There will be plenty more about him- rest assured *smiles* as for the rest of my SL- I talk to the few people who I kept close to me- I DJ when I can- even less often now as my Lords pleasure comes before anything- not because he demands it- but because I choose. My new SL is pleasing me greatly. Right now, i have to run as RL is tugging at my arm- trains to work, idiots to tolerate *giggles*

DAMN-its bright out here!

Yeah- as promised- a RL update- well, in truth, SL is pissing me off to the max right now. I am so sick and tired of it. apparently all my "friends" are so damn busy they dont have any spare time. I got tired of being lonely in there- so fuck it- cleared out my f/l and I am spending less and less time there- more and more in RL.

Spring is trying hard to arrive- its a fabulous day today- i may just head off to the beach for a walk shortly- but I MUST do my housework- last day of a block of rest days, back on early shift tomorrow so I wont have much opportunity. On the subject of work- the bitch that punched me was in court on Wednesday- I wasnt called, so she must have pleaded guilty. A good result! So- what did i do with my days off? I went down to the Isle of wight to spend a few days with friends- who i havent seen for a year, eeek! Looks like i will be heading back for this years Festival- not the most exciting line up- but its always fun- and Neil Young will be cool to see. Last night, i went into London to see Volbeat- and OMG- they were awesome- I love the tunes, but the guys put on a great show- utube link follows- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Qk-m2ZyS88&feature=related The funniest thing is the resemblance Michael has to David Cameron- have you ever seen them in the same rooom........?

I am on a diet *sighs* its actually kinna easy- although last week was a disaster- life with my friends revolves round takeaways, WAY too much booze and NO exercise- fun- but not conducive to weight loss *grinz* Next time I must take over their kitchen- hahaha. The diet is all part of my makeover- I decided i need to get my ass in gear before I am too old to do it- I have a lot of life in me- and I am tired of hiding away- I was never a shrinking violet- time to go out and grab life by the balls again- so- watch out LOL!

Playin poker online with some of the guys from work tomorrow evening- thats a heap of fun- and maybe I will take a little money from them again- who knows.

Renaissance

Well- damn, but who says you cant teach an old dog new tricks? I had a revelation this week on the subject of drama. If you boil it down to its essence- its people running round talking about things that arent anybody elses business. The third party then feels moved (or obliged) to respond with word or deed- and then goes on to repeat- etc etc etc. Yeah, I know its kinna obvious- but OMG- if ya jus keep ya mouth shut in the first place.........!

OK OK- look back at my blog- I have been as guilty as the next bish- but- unlike most- I try not to keep repeating the same pattern. I have an over developed sense of fairplay- and I get outraged at injustice either to me or my friends which has got me into a heap of trouble in the past.

The thing is, people will think what they want to about you, few will take the time to actually ask. So- I am pretty ruthless now- I cut people at the first hint of drama. That isnt to say that, in time- I wont reconsider- my closest friends have all been off my f/l at one time or other. I warn people that they are crossing my no drama line, or my comfort zone is being invaded- but- if they cant or wont keep that away from me- they are gone in a heartbeat. What I WONT do any more is run round bleating about it- cuz that is DRAMA- get it?

I must say- looking at the antics of people from my past is seriously amusing- watching them recreate the past with all the flaws still intact- hearing about them running round like schoolkids, trying to collect friends or ostracise those they have decided to hate this week- dammit people- if you put half as much effort into enjoying yourselves you would be having a 24/7 BALL.

Now- its high time I put a bit of effort into RL- next post will have an update- all sorts of things going on.

The song remains the same

LMAO- a wise man once told me nobody ever leaves SL really- an its so true! I took a break for a few days- but I missed DJing so much- I came back as ma alt- Ornamental Dagger, and was havin a lot of fun, keeping my distance from the problem while the shit settled. Anyway- it didnt work out- the shit is going on and on and on. Amusingly- its going on without me- I am way too busy havin fun in ma re-designed SL- new clubs to play at- a LOT of old friends comin to see me and new ones growing closer. Actually- part of the fun is watchin the latest antics.
I have even restarted a DJ group- it embarrasses the fuck outta me- but as I dont play a regular slot any more, its hard for ppl to know when or where I am playing.
On the RL front- I had great news about my assault- they have identified the bishes and warrants have been issued- so I am lookin forward to my day in court! I have just had a week of rest days- its been great- drinkin and playin SL- even doin some RL too!!!!

...or is it?

an what exactly is it the end of? Well- I have left SL - to give me time to think about that. The campaign of bitching and upset from my ex, his new squeeze and a group of bishes associated with them has continued. The guy was with me for a year- he knows exactly what buttons to press- and omgs- he cant resist it. Despite a declaration from the owner of the club we all work at that further actions would result in people being banned- the thing hasnt stopped at all- its getting worse in fact. The damage that is being done to the club I loved is apparent- the atmosphere is appalling now. I worked there for 17 months- but *shrugs*
I am well aware that almost nobody leaves SL- some take a break- some come back as a new account- some just come back an say fuck you to the haters. I have no idea which it will be for me- thats what I am thinking about. Dont get me wrong- I may sound like a paranoid- but I am NOT- no victim here- just somebody worn out with the constant harassment and devastated by the scarcity of support- even really close friends have told me I am imagining stuff. Anyway- I am not intending this blog to be full of that asshole and his coven- they can get on with their lives- I just wish they would let me get on with mine. Anybody with any morals or compassion would have withdrawn to give me a little space to heal- but well- that aint gonna happen, so I will deal in my own way.
I find I have nothing else to say about anything else- so, I am taking myself off for a hot, scented bath, a book- maybe a nap before work tonight.
I will be back- at some point, in some way- maybe not in SL- but back in some way.

here endeth the lesson...

well- probly not! The SL drama continues- after the chatlogs in the last post- I decided I really couldnt be bothered with the whole thing- but mannnnnn- the kindergarten contingent cant bear to let go. People are lining up on the battlefield- totally oblivious to the fact that over here- the interest is absolutely zero- in fact- I left the field weeks ago. There have been all sorts of manipulations, bitchin, lies and misconceptions. For me- I just ignore the lot of em- players and children. I haz fun with ma friends and anybody who sees it differently- well- its your problem- not mine. It is a real shame that there are people in SL I no longer get to laugh an chat with- but I am not losing sleep, trust me on that.
Enough on SL- what of RL? well, giggin is resuming- Shinedown, Exodus and probly 'tallica comin up in the next couple of months so thats cool. I had a few days off work last week- I was punched in the stomach by a drugged up teenage girl. It is something that happens- rarely, fortunately- and I wasnt badly hurt- luckily it was a fist and not a knife. The police seem confident they can identify her from cctv- and the company will prosecute- they always do on staff assaults.
In summary- neither SL nor RL is sparkling right now- time to put a little more effort into both to get them back on MY track- having fun!