Epiphany

I woke up today to an offline from a friend who I was a bit bloody with last night- he is one of the few I have- and I have tested them all deeply over the last couple of weeks. One, I have lost and I am deeply sorry for that. It suddenly dawned on me that maybe I had been behaving more weirdly than I had imagined. Since Vinny dumped me for Vanessa and labelled me as paranoid- when all along I had been right about the two of them- well, it blew my mind. I have been behaving erratically- and I have lost whole days- I functioned- did things, said things, but I have no memory of them. People have told me I need to move on- what they mean is get over it- and, I will- one day. It isnt that easy to accept that the man you loved and the woman who claimed to be your best friend have been lying and playing you for a fool- yes, my pride is hurt too. However- this has to stop- I am driving away the few people who ARE still my friends and thats just dumb. Allowing the spitefulness of my ex husband and this woman to get to me is just prolonging their ability to play me- it has to stop. As I cant rely on them doing the decent thing and leaving me alone- I have to deal a different way. There is only one way- I have to shut it out- totally. Its not going to be easy, and I will have setbacks- but I refuse to allow them to destroy my world totally- they took most of it- but they cant have it all- I wont let them. SL is a very different place for me these days, I need to re aquaint myself with it- the old life has gone forever