Casa Callie

Well, thats how my place looks now- its not finished- and- my heart hasnt been in it, really- just busy work. I got to that stage I knew I would reach- where I am running out of things to distract myself with. No purpose has emerged as yet- and until that happens, SL is a pretty bleak place. I am trying very hard not to rely on friends support- but its not easy. *smiles* an old friend once said to me- its ok to fall in love- just not so hard, k? I never did get the hang of that. Anyway- enough whining- it is how it is- and I did my best to make it right.
RL is - well, RL. Being back at work has been good- I am even thinkin bout actually going away for my summer leave which is mid august this year- just not sure where. I am thinkin I might take a couple of short city breaks- I never got to Rome yet, and I would like to go back to Barcelona- or I might just take myself off to a beach for a couple of weeks. I really dont know- I am pretty rocked and low and its hard to be enthusiastic about anything much. It will pass, I know- its just allowing myself time to settle- and finding myself again. If you find me- please return me *grinz*

Frozen

Well- more numb really. Here we go again *sighs* I managed to drive my darling Draf away. Not gonna go into detail- not the place- but I got it spectacularly wrong- and he cant forgive me. I was ok for a couple of days- totally in shock- but last night the misery that I knew was waiting kinna set in. It will get better- but mannn- its hard. This is not like before- that was crap that was done to me- this- is my own doing. He was the best thing I ever had- we were so perfect- and I ruined it. So- right now,I am trying to keep busy- distract myself. Its pointless going over and over it- I cant take it back- and I cant make it right. I would do anything to be able to- but he has closed the door- so- its over.
The very few that are close are gold right now- despite some screaming drama from a seriously disturbed individual- thats a whole other story and doesnt deserve any further mention. It simply reminded me- go with your gut- my instincts are generally pretty good.
So, where do I go now? Who knows- I am just remodelling my land- it was far too painful to leave it as it was, without its heart- my heart, my Draf. Other than that- I occasionally venture out with friends- and I do laugh, flirt- hell, I am a fuckin good actress- but I am totally without purpose now. Until I regain that- its going to be tough. I am back to work tomorrow and that will be good- more distraction- so today, I need to get my act together- I am exhausted and in serious back pain- all stress. Right now, I am going for another soak in the tub, then back to bed for a nap.

gigging an stuff

Saturday night was pretty damn good- Sevendust supporting Buckcherry- had a real blast. I have to take my hat off to the guy on the mixing desk for Buckcherry- he got it spot on- its not a big venue and a bad shape- so he backed off the volume and let the sound work- so few mixers do anything besides crank it up these days. Heard all the old favourites *grinz* even THAT tune- and yanno- it may be way overplayed- but hell it had the entire room dancin an singing- even ME *laughs* It was really packed and I got stuck by one of the bars- dayumm!!! so there was nothing for it but to drink- so Mr Daniels took a bit of punishment, I confess. Because the Islington Academy is in a shopping precinct- it has a wildly early curfew- was kicked out at 10pm- but thats not so bad- I got back to Vic in time to buy some chinese food and a bottle of wine to drink on the train- yeah- I know- a regular saturday night asshole - at least I didnt vomit on the train *laughs* I carried on drinking some when I got home- so Sunday was fragile head time in spades. That is my excuse for a poor performance in the karting sunday afternoon- I didnt come last- but almost. However- it was such a heap of fun- its been so long since I went karting- loved it- despite the helmet hair. Sadly- I didnt see much of Draf this weekend- bloody typical- the first weekend for ages he had no plans- and I did- so he took himself out saturday night too- and then sunday- we were just settling in to an evening together and he got called to a bbq- anybody would think it was summer! Well- no matter- hes not going anywhere- and neither am I.
Been a fantastic hot day again today- I had intended to go for a walk- but- I think i was still shaking off the last of the alcohol- so I never really got past the side of the bed LOL. Back to work on Friday- and I still need to valet the car and finish the housework- just the bedroom to sort out now- I got a lot of boring stuff like windows and tiles cleaned while I been off- man, how domesticated do I sound!
SL? well, more of the same really- I dont tend to do much besides talk to the few and spend time with my darling Draf. I tried to get my ban at SR lifted this week- silly me- I forgot that they dont do logic there. I go once in a while- in one alt or another- I dont cause trouble- I go to see people- so it seemed to me that as they know all this- it would cause less drama- and be more honest for me to go as Callie. Unbelievably, they prefer to have me sneaking around as alts- I guess without its drama SR would lose its way- whatever- it isnt that important. I admit it was important enough to ask- but hell- it actually doesnt make that much difference to me- changes nothing. Weirdly- the reason was all to do with something that was only hinted at- and that I have NO clue about- something about me damaging the club- I really dunno what thats about. But then again- I forgot about the paranoid and incredibly bitter people they get there- lotsa talk about moving on- when what they actually mean is stay away. Moving on means being able to be in the same room without getting uptight- and I been able to do that for months now- shame about the others.
LMAO- you gotta love SL- somebody just sent me a psychedelic squid- I have no idea why- but hey!

Meltdown

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It seems the british political system is in meltdown right now- I am just amazed it took as long as it did for the Labour party to take that step too far for the public- but they finally did it- and despite the Prime Minister clutching on like a polar bear on a melting ice floe (geddit! damn, but imma smart one!)There really isnt enough support to keep him afloat any more. We need an election- and soon. Later on today the results of the county council elections will be out- and on Sunday the euro elections- and its widely expected that Labour while be annihilated. Hopefully this will hasten a vote of no confidence in the government and enable the election we need. Ok- enough of the current affairs- whats up with Callie? Got a heap of crap going on at work that has stressed me out a bit- I cant talk about it at the moment- but when its all over- dear readers- you will hear all about it.We are also waiting to find out if we get new uniforms- sometime next week the results of the franchise bids will be announced- it literally does mean just a change of uniform and train livery for us. I love having a virtually recessionproof job. I have just 2 more days before my block of rest days- today I am spare, so a fairly easy one- and tomorrow is death by London Bridge as per usual on a weekend. After that..... oooh- sleep, rest and some time for ME- got a few DJ sets booked up in SL- and of course some time with Draf- its been a hard week for us- hes been on call and so I havent seen him pretty much- just a few message exchanges. We intend to put that right this evening and I cant wait!
SL in general- well- its pretty much a non event without Draf, to be honest- I go and DJ- chat to one of the few if they are around- but in truth I havent been online that much- rl is biting my ass too lately and the weather this past week has been so fantastic, I wanted to spend a bit of time outside- although no tanning for me- not till next summer- I cant expose my new tatt to the sun yet- so its fake tan on the legs- they really have to have some colour- not a pretty sight