Well- more numb really. Here we go again *sighs* I managed to drive my darling Draf away. Not gonna go into detail- not the place- but I got it spectacularly wrong- and he cant forgive me. I was ok for a couple of days- totally in shock- but last night the misery that I knew was waiting kinna set in. It will get better- but mannn- its hard. This is not like before- that was crap that was done to me- this- is my own doing. He was the best thing I ever had- we were so perfect- and I ruined it. So- right now,I am trying to keep busy- distract myself. Its pointless going over and over it- I cant take it back- and I cant make it right. I would do anything to be able to- but he has closed the door- so- its over.
The very few that are close are gold right now- despite some screaming drama from a seriously disturbed individual- thats a whole other story and doesnt deserve any further mention. It simply reminded me- go with your gut- my instincts are generally pretty good.
So, where do I go now? Who knows- I am just remodelling my land- it was far too painful to leave it as it was, without its heart- my heart, my Draf. Other than that- I occasionally venture out with friends- and I do laugh, flirt- hell, I am a fuckin good actress- but I am totally without purpose now. Until I regain that- its going to be tough. I am back to work tomorrow and that will be good- more distraction- so today, I need to get my act together- I am exhausted and in serious back pain- all stress. Right now, I am going for another soak in the tub, then back to bed for a nap.
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